Tag Archive | tom brady

“Bitch, Don’t Even Think Of Going Anywhere!”

I see Brad Pitt loves those leather pants…*gags* His entire ensemble is douchey. Starting with the hair…and finishing up w/those pants. UGH. And I hate Angie’s dress too…and her hair. These 2 can look amazing…they are both gorgeous people…Brad, lose those God awful pants and do something w/that mop (is he going for the Tom Brady look?? Say it isn’t so!) and Angie, you’re 35 years old…stop dressing like an old lady. Seriously, that looks like something Betty White could wear to the Oscars (well, maybe with a nice shrug over it lol)…she’s young, skinny and sexy…that’s doesn’t last – work it while you can…

“Bitch, Don’t Even Think Of Going Anywhere!”.

To Do List for Fall

Okay, the temperature out there in the last week or so has made me think FALL might actually be here. Seriously though, how does the weather *know* that Labor Day is over?  Seems like BAM, temps drop, the sun sets earlier…even the quality of the sunlight is different…then again, it could be that I FINALLY have some Kelly Time and can actually see straight now that the angels are in school?! 😉

So, the Sea Hag fiasco

googled "Sea Hag" and found this! LOL

googled "Sea Hag" and found this! LOL

during my Dewey vacation and its ugly aftermath has helped me set some Fall Goals:

  1. Take care of my SKIN! Get rid of those dark patches and fine lines and make myself NOT look 43 (or older!)
  2. Treadmill needs to become my bestie.  Frenemy?
  3. Do some Body Pump classes at the gym.  I *know* they work and give me results….why don’t I ‘just do it’????
  4. LOWLIGHTS. Deep conditioning treatments! De-Straw the ‘do!
  5. Find some sort of STYLE that suits my age and body type and personality.  This one is going to be very tough!
  6. Find a bra that actually fits and lifts the girls UP to their pre-baby position!
  7. Organize my closet!
  8. Eat healthier!  (with summer over, I guess those funnel cakes will stop taunting me, right?)

    mmmmmm funnel cake drool slobber

    mmmmmm funnel cake drool slobber

In general, I guess this list could be summed up by “Stop looking like a Fat Old Whore!”  I have taken some baby steps already…have started hitting the gym immediately post-carpool…I have zero energy in the a.m. but if I put the workout off til later…it just doesn’t happen!  Polly Procrastinator and her sister Lazy Lucy want me to sit in my office and surf the internet for Rob Pattinson pix

mmmmmmm Robert Pattinson

mmmmmmm Robert Pattinson

and Twilight/New Moon info instead! 😉  See also: spending time on customizedgirl.com designing my Mrs. Cullen thong…it takes TIME!  Which font? Which color panty and which color screenprint?  So much to do, so little time!  Oh, btw, found this guy’s blog…it’s Kristen Stewart Wants It…it cracked me up…he writes haikus and talks about how much KStew wants it…funny stuff 😉

Where was I? Oh, making progress on de-hagifying myself…have an appt for a facial…have started taking off my make-up at night (seriously, this is probably the first time in my life that I have done this)…and then I am applying Latisse on my lashes and a ‘firming’ night cream on the dehydrated face…what else?  Have an appt to get my color done…buh bye brassy!  Hello, silky lowlighted locks? HA!  It seems like no matter what I ask for, it’s just BLONDE.  Grrr  I like Bar Rafeali’s color (she used to date Leonardo DiCaprio…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue…

See, brown hair w/blonde highlights-why is that so hard to get?

See, brown hair w/blonde highlights-why is that so hard to get?

She is replacing gorgeous Gisele in the True Religion ads b/c Gisele is preggo w/potentially the world’s most perfect baby – seriously Gisele and Tom Brady??  Hope all those perfect gorgeous genes don’t combust and make a fug baby! 😉

Oh, one more thing…I bought a pair of skinny jeans!  Can you believe it??  I know!  One of my first blogs was about how I HATE them and how you need to ask yourself ‘am I skinny?’ before thinking about wearing them!  I guess it’s like anything else…first you mock it…then it worms it’s way into your brain…and then you have to have it!  LOL  Haven’t worn them yet. Still thinking about the shoes.  Ash says ballet flats but I cannot CANNOT wear those!!

see? even this model looks a little dumpy w/flats...

see? even this model looks a little hippy w/flats...

Stumpy legs in skinny jeans and flats??  If you see me in ballet flats, just shoot me, please. Found this at Women’s Fashion Suite:

Skinny Jeans with Flats

There is another way to wear designer skinny jeans, but it’s difficult to pull off, as it exaggerates the hips and butt, and can make even slender women look heavy. This infamous style is, of course, the skinny jean worn with flat shoes. A word of warning: skinny jeans should never be worn with sneakers.

Soooo, gotta sign off now…the Black Beast needs to roam our neighborhood in search of the best spots for his pee…

Celebrities, Fauxlebrities, Douche Bags, and more

Can we sue Angelina Jolie for sucking all the hotness out of Brad Pitt??  Just saw his latest magazine cover and he looks terrible.  Wrinkled, grizzly bear facial fur…and his eyebrows make him look so sad.  When he was with Jennifer Aniston, he was always smoking hot. Sure, he wasn’t saving the world one orphan at a time back then but at least he was taking care of himself!  I know having 6 kids can age you but how many nannies do they have?  One for each child at least from what I have read.  No excuse for looking like Robert Redford already (now, I do love RR but he is a craggy-faced old man these days, right??)…Mr. Pitt, please shave, get a really good facial, perhaps a peel or 4…do a detox…and sleep…lots of sleep.

Speaking of Jennifer Aniston, why do bloggers insist on calling her ‘Maniston’??  She is so NOT manly.  She is very soft and girly…gorgeous skin…silky hair…amazing body…how in God’s name would anyone think she looks like a man??  She doesn’t even have man-hands!

Anyone else think Tony Romo broke up w/Jessica Simpson b/c of that whoreanus blue and red HORIZONTAL striped dress she wore to that golf tournament in MD?  OMG, she looked awful in that!!!  She must have a stylist, right??  Who puts a curvy-bordering-on-chunky (sorry!!  girlfriend has gotten thick!) in a horizontal striped anything?  WTF?  Brad thinks Tony dumped her b/c she’s fat…and that there is some sort of NFL Quarterback competition for ‘hottest spouse’ that Tom Brady is winning now and forever…

What do Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson have in common?  Or, should I ask ‘who’??  John Mayer.  What do we think of him???  He’s tall, a musician, seems intelligent…so why is he a douche bag?  All the gossip sites call him a DB and he even refers to himself as one!  And, does anyone think it’s true that he pees on people during sex?????  I have read that on a number of blogs and really wonder about it.  Did he pee on JA??  I can see him doing it to JS b/c she seems to be a low self esteem girl who would let some clown piss on her.  But, Aniston??  And how in the hell is that sexy???  Oooh baby, piss on me.  YUCK.

How about the Jon and Kate debaucle?  I guess I could have started this as “…speaking of douche bags'” b/c that Jon guy has really become one.  Who leaves his wife, starts wearing Ed Hardy tees, and jets off to St. Tropez w/some young whore…and has 8(!!) kids at home??  I have only seen clips of their show and initially just despised the wife.  She came off like a controlling bitch.  MichaelK of Dlisted (who is a genius and would be my evil soul mate if a) I wasn’t married and b) he wasn’t gay) writes some hilarious commentary about Kate and her hair…here’s an example:

“If you happen to be kayaking on the Atlantic Ocean this weekend, you might see Kate Gosselin’s rabid possum hair dog paddling next to you looking all cunty-like with foam pouring out of it. That’s because Jon is in St. Tropez with his whore and it’s going to GIT ‘EM!”  Check out this link for a full report…http://www.dlisted.com/node/32907

He also uses the c word either as an adverb or as an adjective…it’s been 20+ years since I was in a classroom so I can’t think of which one it is!  http://esl.about.com/od/grammarintermediate/a/a_adjoradv.htm  He would say something like ‘Angelina gave Anne Hathaway a cunty look’…adjective or adverb?? 

Anyway, that’s all for now.  Have to get back to my real life…dinner, laundry, dog poop.  Exotic stuff!  Woo!