Mature (18+), Suggestive Dialogue, Offensive/Coarse Language, Sexual Content/References, Moderate Violence (implied or intended at least!)
Actually, this is what Kelly’s Superficial is rated overall…today is just very consistent w/my (ahem) ‘standards’!
So, it’s a F*ck Me Day. Sing ‘It’s a Hard Knock Life’ from Annie and substitute the words ‘f*ck me day’…sing it! “It’s a F*ck Me Day” No other words…just that. Why?
Woke up to the darkness and rain. F*ck me. Kids woke up late and crabby. B*tching about their breakfasts. Make your own damn breakfast, jerks! lol The Frug wakes up chipper every day. Amazing. We are such opposites! He dared to ask ‘soooo, what are you doing today?’ with the implication that perhaps I am doing NOTHING as usual…I bit back the reply I wanted to give which was ‘oh, sitting around eating bon bons while surfing the internet for naked Rob Pattinson pictures…then I may take a nap’…however, in the spirit of civility (or was it just fatigue?), I simply said ‘lots of stuff to do today, asshole‘ 😉 Dropped the devils off at school (they are safer there, trust me) and went to Target (which should transform it into a JOY day) to drop off the TWO prescriptions for Peter’s ‘folliculitis’ aka crotch rot and the @(&$@ pharmacy doesn’t open until 9am. Again, F*CK ME.
Next up for me? Doing a craft-y project for the kids’ school that I had been putting off for weeks now. And, naturally, it had to be done by TODAY. WHYWHYWHY do I do this to myself? I just can’t make myself ‘work ahead’ when I have the time…I have to wait and wait and then jam it out. Grumble. Anyway, I allotted 1 hour…it took FOUR. F*ck me. Involved lots of fine motor skills…cutting, pasting, editing text, printing, visual layout, etc. Ugh. Used ‘dry mount’ for the first time. BtFw, it is NOT dry! It is sticky and may just stay on my hands until I die. Tried regular soap/water…used ‘Goo Gone’, etc. Nothing worked. Now I have lemon scented hands w/clumps of dried glue…and, naturally, dog hair. The Goo is NOT gone. Thanks for nothing, Goo Gone. F*ck me. Went to eat lunch…couldn’t even pick up my sandwich without grossing myself out. Guess that’s one way to diet? LOL and heavy sigh.
Final (perhaps) complaint. (ha! who am I trying to kid? This is NOT my final complaint by a long shot! lol) So, I’m going to NYC in November (NO $&)@$& kids or Frug! woot!)…thought it might be fun to go see SNL…ever heard the expression ‘who do I have to f*ck to get (whatever)?’ Well, apparently you actually have to f*ck someone to get SNL tickets!!! Now, since I have that whole marriage/monogamy/fidelity thing going on, I am *out* of the equation. However, a friend of a friend has been known to bang a cast member or 2. So, it’s all good, right?! NO! Beyotch is all ‘I don’t feel comfortable asking him for tickets’. Annoyed. Doesn’t she know ‘I’m kind of a Big Deal’ and she should take one for the Kelly’s Superficial team?? Apparently not. Hmph. More on this SNL biznaz later.
Time for some wine and my Snuggie.
So, my U2 post was a day late. So sorry. Had a death in the family and had to trek up to PA for the funeral. My special Ashley’s mom passed away suddenly, unexpectedly, and awfully. Now, I am not one to dwell too long on the unpleasant side of life so I am going to tell you about the good stuff and the WTF moments of the last 24 hours.
Well, Ash looked amazing in her black DVF wrap dress, accessorized by a chunky beaded necklace that belonged to her mom, and bronzey/gold slingback wedges. Gave a poignant and bittersweet eulogy and managed to be way more composed than her aunties.
Cousin Julie was Ashley’s ROCK. She was like a pitbull, guarding her suffering cousin and protecting her from insensitive a$$holes…all while smiling sweetly and facilitating all the crap that comes w/funeral.
The Snuggie of Love!
Julie used her Leopard Snuggie at the ‘after-after-party’ to help comfort anyone who was sad or just in need of love…enveloped us in the soft leopard fleeceyness and made it all better! 🙂
Olivia saying to Melissa, who was wearing some humungo hoop earrings
– “The bigger the hoop, the bigger the ‘ho” …funny AND true…my fav combo!
StepDad Frankie, letting a bunch of friends and cousins and one Old Aunt stay at his “country house” which looks like it is a movie set or something out of House Beautiful. The occasion and the setting and the atmosphere really made it seem ‘Big Chill.’ Frankie played the piano and guitar…people sang, told stories, laughed and cried (see Snuggie of Love)…all that PLUS an impeccably stocked bar really helped Ash’s grieving process. Side note:
Patron! Mixologist Ash made me a “skinny girl margarita” with Patron. YUMMY! Patron is not Frug-Approved sadly:-(
Now for the WTFs…the Funeral Home…it was featured on Leno and they had a framed photo of Leno holding one of their ads which said something like ‘pardon our DUST, we’re renovating’…um, dust? They also do cremation there! eeeuuww! Poor poor taste!!!
The Funeral Director…in his comments at the beginning of the service he expressed shock at the number of people there (!) and also mispronounced Pam’s last name! WTF?
Ash’s dad, my brother…nothing specific..just general irritation…
Now, this last one…I do feel semi-badly…Ashley’s friend, the ‘Irish Cop’…so cute and so nice…however, I cannot ever look at him again without thinking of his ‘shirt stays’…do you know what they are? They are little clip thingys that attach to a shirt to keep it tucked in…and it attaches from the shirt down to your socks…it’s like a man garter belt. A ‘mar-ter belt’? Or a ‘man-ter belt’?? He is 24-ish and is wearing the oldest old man item EVER. And he isn’t even embarrassed!!! You decide…take a gander of these babies…I think it’s ICKy, don’t you?!
Thanks for reading…wanted to give a quick RIP to Pam…the demons are now silenced and you can be at peace…love you and miss you…