Tag Archive | old

Terrible News

I. Am. Old.

Turned fortyfuckingNINE yesterday. I mean, there’s no way around the fact that that’s not young. How did this happen?? I swear I was a youthful and sassy 39 not that long ago.

Even worse, no amount of diet and exercise and grooming can hide the fact that I am not young anymore. As part of my bday celebration, I did a girls weekend in NYC. Much prep went into it. I waxed all the body parts and shaved those that I didn’t wax (*nods at finger knuckles and toe knuckles*) I planned (read: did the purchase/return cycle so much that the Frug’s head is going to spin around) outfits. I had fresh highlights, a haircut, I even tinted my brows!

Oh, and for my big Saturday night out, we had the Glam Squad come to do blowouts and makeup!


Middle aged soccer mom.


Actually, according to the sainted Ashlee, I looked like a “middle aged gym teacher“…which is much, much better, right?


I mean, if I can’t groom and retail my way to a youthful glow, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

Accept it?


Hell no.



Madonna’s Veiny Old Hands! Hee hee!

This makes me so happy. And yes, I know I’m going to Hell…

Okay, her arms are s-i-c-k!  My inner body builder is jealous of her guns. However, her veiny arms and hands? Nope!! MANLY!!!! You know she could kick my a$$…

The hair? Um, no. Rat’s nest. Dried and fried. And it’s an unattractive yellow that does nothing for her.

Her face? Her neck? Chest?  I want to be critical but I have to say, for 50+, she looks great. You can totally tell she was not a tanner. (@*$_($ and f*ck me.  I know she’s had work done…but it’s working for her. Can’t hide those old hands tho! *gleeful evil giggles*

**editing back in…I need a picture of her ass. Not a bare ass – just to see if she has any cellulite or saggage. I bet she doesn’t…*sighs*

Check the article on X17 online