What’s up with her belly button? Looks a little off…maybe manufactured?? hmm…I guess it doesn’t matter what she does, I’m gonna hate her anyway, right? So, here goes…WTH is she wearing? What kind of weird ass expression is that on her face? *sighs* seeing her pic just ruined my morning…*growls*
I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!! I HATE HER!!
Concave chest with faux boobs. Hmph. Look at her abs tho! DAMN HER! (at least her bikini is matching…not that it makes me despise her less)
Bitch please. Megan ‘Blow Job Lips’ Fox claims she has slept with 2 guys. Bullshit. TWO? She’s with David from 90210 so I would imagine he is one of the ‘two’…and she claims to have had a childhood sweetheart. Come on. Such craziness. And, there is that nasty rumor that she did the dirty with my main man, Robert. *whispers ‘please don’t let that be true’* Anyway, there is no way in hell an actress *cough* has only slept with 2 guys. But even if that were true? STFU about it. Yeesh.
This is all reminding me of when my other Hollywood ‘nemesis’ Angelina Jolie tried to say she had only slept with 4 guys. She’s been married 3 times and is now sucking the lifeblood out of former hottie Brad Pitt. So, count ’em, FOUR. Bitch PLEASE.
Why do they a) LIE b) keep TMI-ing c) think we care???
Some folks are surprised to hear that the Frug and I always have a Date Night, every week, no matter what. Even the day after my mother died, we had a movie date! So, what do we do?? Usually dinner and deep thought -provoking conversation. The Italian Renaissance, post-modern art, marketing and social media, etc. Last night, after dindin and bevvies, we cast aside our usual Deep Thoughts and launched into the Freebie 5 concept. You know, top 5 celebs you would get a ‘pass’ for if the opportunity presented itself. The Frug’s list has changed over the years, as has mine.
The Frug’s current list (which has entries into the 30s!) has a Top 3…in the #1 spot is Kate Beckinsale.
We loved her in The Last Days of Disco and The Aviator. Classic, gorgeous, British. And, just named Maxim Magazine’s Sexiest Woman Alive. Next up, sadly, is the dreaded BJ mouthed ho that is Megan Fox.
Sigh. I do see that the girl is pretty…she just ruins it by looking like a whore all the time. Brad’s first choice, so classy…choice #2…whore. Hmm. Number 3 is Kristen Stewart!
Woo, Twilight! LOL He actually dug her in Into the Wild and then saw her ass (which is quite nice, btw!) in Adventureland and is now hooked! 😉 He never did name #s 4 and 5. Many were named Top 15 or whatever though. So, all 3 of the top 3 are brunettes, which I find interesting. His ‘real life’ type has been blondes. Wonder if that means anything?? Jessica Simpson was on his list ‘until she got fat’ >;-)
And Kelly Ripa is in the top 10 I think…
My Top 3 (I also really didn’t have 5…not sure why)…one guess as to my #1 pick…Yes, of course…Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson.
Tall, great hair, British. YUM. Number 2? Daniel Craig.
The hottest Bond. Normally blonde guys give me the ICK but not him. Maybe his Britishness makes up for the hair? And, #3 is Clive Owen.
Another Brit. Mama loves her accents! LOL and NOT kidding. He is not classically handsome but he looks like he would know how to get down to biznazz, kwim? My old Top Guys have fallen completely off the radar…Brad Pitt (hairy old goat who is with the Ultimate Home Wrecking ho now)…Clooney (gay?? and looking too thin and cheesy to me these days)…Tom Cruise (back in the Top Gun days – he was the HOTNESS) is off the list for oh-so-many reasons…
Was thinking that it would be cool if the Frug and I just happened to bump into RPattz and KStew and let them know ‘hey, you’re both on our lists! Let’s get it on!’ LOL 😉
Anyway, this ‘free pass’ list made me remember that old Friends episode where he bumps Isabella Rosselini off of his list due to geography? It’s a classic:
Ross: What? You don’t think I’d go up to her?
Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.
Monica: Rach? Are you really gonna let him do this?
Rachel: Honey, he’s about to go hit on Isabella Rossillini. I’m just sorry we don’t got popcorn.
Ross: Oh no, no, wait, wait! Isabella, don’t… don’t just dismiss this so fast. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Isabella: Yeah, for you.
Isabella: You know, it’s ironic.
Isabella: Because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I just bumped you for that guy over there.
It’s been a bitchy week here…possibly hormonal?
- Idiots in parking lots racing down the lanes, begging to be t-boned.
- DC humidity
- sinus headaches
- Walking into a bathroom stall wherein someone has apparently been disemboweled.
- Walking into a bathroom stall and smelling the unmistakable eau-de-old-lady: baby powder, White Shoulders, Depends, mints, and a little bit of poop.
- People who don’t pick up their dog’s shit and leave it to fester and become fly food.
- Other people’s whining snot-nosed children.
- The sound of someone’s flip flops flip-slap-flopping down an otherwise quiet hallway.
- Most companies’ telephone systems.
- Face deforming giant jawline pimples that are unpoppable.
- yip yapping chihuahuas (sorry Ash!)
- The sound of my 105 lb lab licking his penis for 15 straight minutes.
- Megan Fox’s whorish mouth
- Jennifer Aniston’s nipples
- Katherine Heigl
No real reason. Just feeling like everyone wants a piece of me…and I all really want to do is sit on a lounge chair, with a margarita, being waited on hand and foot. ALONE. grumble. May be the weather. We are suddenly having actual summer weather, complete with DC humidity. And, after Brad’s bday dinner (steak fajitas and margaritas! yum!) I woke up puffed up like a blowfish. Could barely straighten my fingers the next morning. sigh.
Have been following the Twilight/New Moon stuff on Comic-Con. Looking WAY forward to Nov. 20th when the new movie comes out. That little Taylor guy has really beefed up. He’s hot but he makes me feel icky b/c he is 17! And, Kristin Stewart’s mullet makes me cringe. Poor thing. I guess she’ll have a wig or extensions for Eclipse?Know what I like about her? Her fuck you attitude. She’s like ‘I’m not wearing some ridiculous Paris Hiilton party dress…I’m wearing a dirty looking tshirt and skinny jeans’ I’ve read that she is a Serious Actress so she doesn’t have to do all that perfect princess bullshit. Love it. RPatz is still goofy and British and cute. Feel badly for him b/c there is this whole ‘who has the better abs?’ thing and he lost! LOL He is British…they don’t get 6 packs! They smoke and drink and have fun! LOL (cheers to my friends from the UK!)
One more Comic Con thing…why is Megan Fox a Young Whore? She is gorgeous, beautiful coloring, thin, etc etc. Why is she Maxim magazine rather than Vogue (although I think she may have done Vogue recently??) There’s just something whore-ish about her. She seems like the type who doesn’t have any girlfriends b/c she will def. bang your boyfriend and not feel badly about it! Naturally, Brad thinks she’s hot. Sigh.
Gotta get ready for a Friday Night Date. Seeing some fun friends so….WOOOT! Bob and “Fawn” (not her real name but she asked for an Old Whore alias for blogging purposes!) Last time we went out, we ended up at a bar in Georgetown, discussing nasty sex terms that I have never heard of like “Dirty Sanchez” (google it b/c I am NOT telling you what it is!) Was laughing til tears ran down my face and snot was flying out of my nose! Hmmm…Maybe I should take a nap? Not likely w/my adorable kiddoes sucking the life out of me. Peter has the MMMMMOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY (yell and repeat) and Garrett has more of a foghorn sound ‘MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM’…and Brad will chime in w/ ‘KKKKKKEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL???’ Dog barking, cat meowing. Me with gun to head.
Where was I? Oh! Time to get ready! Happy Friday!