Fashion Crime

Committed by me.  Repeatedly.  I confess that I do errands in my workout gear. I have been deluding myself that I look ‘sporty and cute’ when I wear my little C9 skorts from Target (btw, I no longer say ‘Tar-zhay’…it’s ‘Tair-get’ like Kristen Wiig on SNL).  Also btw, I love LOVE skorts…wearing regular shorts makes me feel all manly…I have a mannish body…not like little boy skinny w/no hips…mannish as in thick muscular legs better suited to a pro wrestler. If I wear shorts and flats and no toe polish I easily look like man. Sigh.  Anyway, yesterday I had on a cute C9 black workout skort and a racerback tank in a sort of boho print…also from Target…love that store.  Just ask the Frug.  So, I walked the dog in the 95 degree heat…came home to drop him off and pick up Peter to go to OT…I could have changed but I wasn’t *that* sweaty  and hey, I was sporty and cute, right?  Actually no.  

Not sure when I came to this epiphany but wearing one’s workout stuff all day is NOT sporty and cute, esp. at my age.   More like “White Trash Old Whore”…here after known as WTOW.  Pronounced “Wah-Tow” like “Kapow!”  Hmmm, this could be in a cartoon and the WTOW could be like a Villain!  She would be all saggy boobed, wearing stanky workout clothes, sun damaged skin, fried hair (of course)…she could perhaps have a thunderbolt and shriek “WAH-TOW”!?!

Wanna hear the best part about yesterday’s fashion faux pas???  When I got home I happened to notice…for the first time…that I still had the size sticker on my top…a 10 inch long, 1 inch thick Target size sticker.  How many people had I encountered in that 2-3 hour window? Easily 20.  Not one person said a word.  Bitches were snickering at the WTOW with her smelly workout clothes…size Small.  This is actually a little karmic payback for all the years I have let people have crap in their teeth, toilet paper clinging to their shoes, mascara dripping down their faces and been smug about it and NOT said a word…sigh.

Could have been worse I suppose…coulda been a XXL, kwim?

4 thoughts on “Fashion Crime

  1. Kelly, I love, love, love, your blogs!!! SO funny and real…generally the highlight of my day! ( I know, very sad) Keep it up, I’m taking my laptop on vacation to CA next week for the sole purpose of reading your blog…no pressure!
    I need to get to DC soon, so you, Barb and I can get together!
    and I have also done the sticker thing…hilarious! and don’t worry about looking like a WTOH…they don’t workout!!

    • Beth! I was wondering what your reaction to this stuff would be. You must be marveling that I have managed to become LESS mature and MORE evil since HS. Have a great trip!

  2. Girlfriend!!!! I am in stitches… I have been remiss in reading your blog until tonight… been working on my grad thesis and I needed serious comic relief and I must say, Girl, you don’t disappoint…..

    I miss your sense of humor and it is sad that we live this close and this is the way we catch up… we need to do lunch. Miss you bunches.

    I think reading your blog is gonna be an addition to my daily workout regimen from now on….I can feel my abs getting a good workout already… heee heee

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