Search Results for: costco

Time to Break-Up w/Costco?

Seriously thinking I must quit Costco.  Have been thinking about it for quite some time.  I do love the joy of wandering thru the warehouse, discovering what new product I need a CASE of. I love the fun food samples! I love feeling like a got a ‘deal’ 😉  What I don’t love?? FIrst of all, the aggravation that begins in the parking lot.  No matter when you go, you are screwed. The lot is full — full of a$$holes and idiots.  The jockeying for a parking spot and wrestling w/the damn shopping carts instantly puts me in a bad mood. Then, having to show my card at the door annoys me as well.  I get that it’s a “members only” place but I have just broken a sweat parking and getting my cart…now I have to stop at the door and find my @&$) card. Grumble.

The place is always packed, as I said.  That is irritating especially b/c I am able to go at 10am on a Tuesday…just like every other stay-at-home mom with snotty nosed crying toddlers, senior citizen, and family of rambunctious home-schooled hooligans! 😉 And why doesn’t anyone know how to ‘drive’ the jumbo shopping carts?  Why do they park them in the middle of an aisle to stare at the shelves endlessly?  Why is everyone using their bluetooth headsets, having conversations that I truly to NOT want to hear? Why do I feel in danger of getting an ankle injury from some a$$hat who doesn’t comprehend a) personal space and b) just how long that cart is?  BAM! OUCH! Hello, bloody leg!

If you manage to get thru the warehouse with your 100 pack of tampons and 20 lb. box of large Milk Bones, etc. your reward is being faced with running the ‘Which Lane is the Shortest?’ gauntlet. You must choose wisely or pay with your sanity. On Friday, I truly almost lost my (@$&) mind.  I chose the lane w/the fewest people and carts…there was even a person ahead of me who was just holding 1 item!  Wahoo!  Lucky day at Costco, right?  Hell no. Listen to this egregious offense…hands still shaking as I type!  aahh  Waited 10 minutes, standard stuff…the person in front of me steps up to the conveyor belt and…she waves her friends with the overflowing cart over!!!!!!!  SHOCKING. Utterly shocking. There were gasps of horror and disgust behind me. I simply stood there, staring. W.T.F. just happened?  The one friend of hers had the grace to lower her head with shame…but the b&tch still unloaded her cart, kwim?!  The original person was muttering stuff about ‘who cares what they think’ etc.  The folks behind me were trying to make it a Race Thing by whispering barely veiled racial slurs…btw, it was NOT a Race Thing…it was a COMMON DECENCY thing, kwim??!  As I have said before, I try to keep a facade of politeness in public. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even roll my eyes…or make someone’s head explode w/my blue laser eyes…or bash someone’s ankles with my cart. But I really really wanted to.

I know it’s not Costco’s fault. But, for my sanity, and to keep the AmEx bill down(!)…maybe I should just say buh-bye…thoughts???

Shopping with the Frug

We have a new monthly “date.” The Frug and I shop together at COSTCO once a month. Exciting, right? Sexy! In an attempt to corral my spending, the Frug decided that we should try this whole “buying in bulk” thing. We’ve had a Costco membership in the past but when I would go, I would see shiny things that I had to have, list be damned! And, they sell clothes there!

Anyway, that is NOT how the Frug shops. There is not just a list, it’s a mega list, printed, pruned, agonized over. I do not participate. I just say “hey, make sure we have eggs on the list.” Not that I don’t use lists. I do. I make a grocery list and then leave it in the car. Or, I have my list and then I sort of get bored by it in the store and just buy whatever looks good. You can see how I am a threat to the Frug’s sanity.

Once in the store, the price comparisons start. Kirkland brand versus name brand. Cost of Diet Pepsi versus Diet Coke (not that that matters! Diet Coke FOREVER!). Cost per gallon for milk compared to regular grocery stores. Shoot. Me. Here he is in all his frugal glory:frugcostco

I think he was pricing out white tube socks. *sighs*

The “process” takes about 90 minutes. It’s excruciating. I dislike shopping with others. I like to be solo. Flying the thru store, grabbing what I need, and what I don’t. No one asking “Cow, how much is a 24 pack of AA batteries at Target?” (the hell if I know!) No one asking “How many chicken tenders do the kids eat per week?” Um, what?

At the end, we have the “Do we or Don’t we?” over the hot dog and soda combo. It’s like a dollar for a hot dog and soda. BUT, they’ve changed from DC to DP. So no. No deal is worth drinking Diet Pepsi in a damn warehouse after 90 minutes of spreadsheets and cost comparisons. Nope. It crushes the Frug to pass up such a bargain. lol

Happy Frugmas!

 

Revisiting the Halloween Candy AGAIN!

Welp, apparently I’m incapable of any original thoughts and am devoid of any writing mojo these days. *sighs*  So, I thought I’d treat you to another look at my thoughts on Halloween Candy.  Side note, judging myself on the “Edward Cullen” reference from 2009 in here. *sighs*

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OMG, so I *just* blog about saying hell no to the Halloween Candy and head out to Costco.  Mistake. (not matter what time you go, it’s a zoo…you buy too much…etc.etc.) As soon as I walk in, there it is. The MOUNTAIN of Halloween Candy. It was piled high, taller than I am!  Enormous bags of aalllll the good stuff.  And, it spoke to me.

Halloween Candy:  KKKKkkkkkkkeeeeeellllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Come over here! Come look at our adorable packaging! We’re here at Costco so we are obviously a ‘good deal’ and ‘Frug-approved’…

Me: F*ck off, candy.

Halloween Candy: C’mon! We love you! We’re here for you, always!  You are looking so skinny!  Must be those Sketchers Shape-ups you bought…

Me: STFU, candy. I quit you.

Halloween Candy: You can’t quit us! We are in MINI packages!  Mini packages can never hurt you! It’s all good! And, dark chocolate is good for you!

Me: *growls* *hisses*

Halloween Candy: You’ve had a hard day, you DESERVE some candy! You’ve done laundry, the dishes, walked the dog…cyber-stalked Robert Pattinson…

Me: Edward Cullen???  Robert??? *dazed look in my eyes*

Halloween Candy: That’s right, come on over here…hold the 100 piece bag in your hands…tthhhaaaatttt’ssssss iiiitttttt…ggggoooooodddd.

Me: You are my personal brand of heroin, chocolatey deliciousness…

Me: Candy?  You.Complete.Me.

Me: Wait! Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! I can’t! GAH!

Toss bag back into bin…run away, screaming…

Ladies, something TERRIBLE has happened!

I had another birthday! *cries* How did it happen? I don’t feel any older. Actually, I take that back. I feel about 117 these days. *sighs* But, as they say “it’s better than the alternative“, right???!

Nice day. Not a completely Selfish Kelly Day ™, but still nice.  After getting the kids off to school, I got a pedicure and did some “recreational shopping.” The pedi was so necessary. It’s been since 12/16!  Eek!  I think that’s the longest I’ve gone without a pedi in well, ever. Gross old lady feet. *shudders* Nevah again! If I have to cut one DC a day (NO!) and save my pennies in a plastic baggie, I WILL be properly pedicured from now on!

Onto the shopping. Well, I wouldn’t really call it “shopping” b/c I’m still on a post-shocking-Christmas-AmEx-bill-spending-freeze. lol and not really kidding. I had to go to Sephora to pick up my Birthday Gift. Is this company run by geniuses or what?  A birthday gift for everyone? *purrs* Even though it used to be the same thing every year, I still loved it. Anything to make a woman feel special, kwim? There needs to be more of that. Much more. So, I got the gift, a Fresh Sugar Kisses Mini Lip Duo!  Adorable!

And, since the marketing geniuses KNOW that one cannot possibly go into Sephora and NOT buy something, I did pick another little something out for myself. So so so cute! 

A mini Bad Gal Lash mascara, mini Some Kind-A Gorgeous concealer and a mini Hoola bronzer!  And it was only $16!  #frugal!!!!  The very nice clerk also put some “anti-aging” skincare samples in my bag. I like the way they make the bag all fancy like a gift bag with the red tissue paper. *purrs*

How do you shop Sephora? I walk thru the store and sample all the “stuff”…makeup, hand creams, whatever. I tried a new tinted moisturizer, a liquid eye liner (yikes! I do not have the fine motor skills for THAT!), etc. It’s the makeup equivalent of eating your way thru Costco, kwim?

After that bit of Selfish Kelly fun, went and picked up the kids from school. #joy And we all went out to dinner. Didn’t want to murder anyone so that’s a huge win these days!

So, yeah. Happy Birthday to ME ME ME!

Lazy Halloween H00r

Yeah, re-posting this for the 2nd year. Lazy h00r.

OMG, so I *just* blog about saying hell no to the Halloween Candy and head out to Costco.  Mistake. (not matter what time you go, it’s a zoo…you buy too much…etc. etc.) As soon as I walk in, there it is. The MOUNTAIN of Halloween Candy. It was piled high, taller than I am!  Enormous bags of aalllll the good stuff.  And, it spoke to me.

Halloween Candy:  KKKKkkkkkkkeeeeeellllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Come over here! Come look at our adorable packaging! We’re here at Costco so we are obviously a ‘good deal’ and ‘Frug-approved’…

Me: F*ck off, candy.

Halloween Candy: C’mon! We love you! We’re here for you, always!  You are looking so skinny!  Must be those Sketchers Shape-ups you bought…

Me: STFU, candy. I quit you.

Halloween Candy: You can’t quit us! We are in MINI packages!  Mini packages can never hurt you! It’s all good! And, dark chocolate is good for you!

Me: *growls* *hisses*

Halloween Candy: You’ve had a hard day, you DESERVE some candy! You’ve done laundry, the dishes, walked the dog…cyber-stalked Robert Pattinson…

Me: Edward Cullen???  Robert??? *dazed look in my eyes*

Halloween Candy: That’s right, come on over here…hold the 100 piece bag in your hands…tthhhaaaatttt’ssssss iiiitttttt…ggggoooooodddd.

Me: You are my personal brand of heroin, chocolatey deliciousness…

Me: Candy?  You.Complete.Me.

Me: Wait! Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! I can’t! GAH!

Toss bag back into bin…run away, screaming…

Tina Fey Bossypants book review

I got the sample on of Tina Fey’s new book, Bossypants on my IPad (kindle ipad app RULES)…laughed my tail off already. Btw, it is very very FRUGAL to sample a book before buying it. Ever buy a book and then 1/4 of the way through you’re like “ugh, hate it“?? Well, this way, you sample it and if you like it, you buy it (with “1 Click” on Amazon! woot!)…if not, free sample like Costco! lol  A sample for you:

Tina Fey tells a story of meeting a little boy when ‘meeting the teacher’ for kindergarten. They were told to draw pictures, and when she showed hers to him, like, ‘look what I did!’ he ripped it. And she says that, though she didn’t have the language at the time, she was like “Oh, it’s like that, motherf*cker? Got it.”

Tina Fey Bossypants book review.

Why Are We So Mean To Fishsticks?!

 

 

 

Why Are We So Mean To Fishsticks?!.

(with apologies and love to Michael K, I am copying and pasting his beautiful prose…I bow down to his greatness)

Believe it or not, Lady Gwyneth Paltrow really does hear the BITCH BOOOOOS coming from the other side of her castle wall while she gracefully strolls through the gardens and picks organic cabbage roses to make scented water for her downstairs guest powder room because that’s the sort of thing all working mothers do. Fishsticks knows that bitches try to throw shade on the sunshine and enlightenment she’s spreading across the world through GOOP. All the cuntified hate almost drowned GOOP for good, but then she realized that haters are gonna hate no matter what. In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK (via UsWeekly), Fishy says that an old man in Italy is the one who gave her the strength to go on!

“Any time you do anything with any degree of sincerity, people make fun of you. That’s totally fine. I don’t care. I don’t read any of it. My thing with Goop has always been, if you don’t like it, then don’t log onto it. There were a couple of times when I thought ‘I’m just gonna stop doing it. People are so mean to me. I don’t want to do it.’ But then I was like, ‘Who cares what some lame person out there says?’ I was in Italy once, and this old man came up to me and said, ‘I had the best time in Nashville because of Goop.’ And that is so worth it to me.”

 

If she switched out “sincerity” for “pretentious superiority,” the bitch would be speaking the truth! And you know that “old man in Italy” was Apple in a white beard and a straw hat. Fishy’s lady-in-waiting made Apple do it to cheer the GOOP up. But did Apple really have to make Fishy sound like the ambassador to Nashville? We’ll just call Nashville “Goopville” from now on!

The thing is, THIS BITCH actually thinks that she’s helping the public at large with her words and tips of wisdom. If GOOP was called The Rich Ladies Guide To Being Better Rich Ladies and if Fishsticks pulled her head out of her GOOPHOLE to see how most of the world lives, I wouldn’t have a problem with her ass. Bitch is out of touch.

In a recent edition of GOOP, Fishy wrote about how all of us should really do an after-holiday cleanse and then she recommended this bullshit product that cost $450!!!!! It’s like this head-in-the-ass ho doesn’t know that most people need that $450 to pay an overdue electric bill and buy a box of ramen noodles at Costco for the week. Not all of us can afford to shit for $450. If Fishy simply declared, “I’M RICH, I’M WHITE, I’M FAMOUS, I’M AN OSCAR WINNER, I’M BETTER THAN YOU AND I’M LOVIN’ IT!“, I’d join her fan club.

Oh, and because you needed to know, Fishy is best friends with Beyonce:

“In England, people are cool. They’re really laid back and calm. Beyonce did the school run with me once, and everyone was fine. They also have really good anti-paparazzi rules. If you’re driving in a car and they make you feel freaked out, that’s against the law. They can’t put you in a magazine unless they pixelate the kids’ faces. I miss America, but I love living in the UK.”

And the peasants groan…..

It’s a Kelly Day!! (or is it?)

Both kids are at school today! *twirls and dances* I have not been child-free since Sunday, January 23rd!!!! And, I was homebound with a snotty diseased child that whole time! *whines*

So, today…it’s supposed to be a Kelly Day because I’m FREE! (free fallin’…sing it with me, sistahs!) but, thanks to the 3 days of snow/aftermath…today was a Get Shit Done Day. First stop, the DMV. My driver’s license expires on my bday (which is a week from tomorrow)! Eeek! So, in I went…forgetting that it was a) MONDAY and b) the last day of the month!  Line was out the damn door. FML.  But, I went in b/c I had to. I got called up and the person was very nice AND spoke real English, which is an unexpected bonus.  Since I wear contacts/glasses, I had to take the eye exam…which is a JOKE btw…read one line? (however, there was a guy before me – young guy – who didn’t pass the eye test! He seemed stunned!)  Anyway, I said to the lady, “well, at least I can use the same picture” and she said “nope“….TINA!!!! Tina told me she was able to use her old picture if she wanted so I went in there today, unshowered, hair in a ponytail, no makeup, and workout clothes. *screams*

I am usually uber-prepared for these pics b/c they have to last 5 years, kwim?? My last one was taken in July a few years back…I had fresh highlights, perhaps a smidge or 10 of botulism between the brows, tasteful tan, cute outfit. *sighs* I have actually gotten compliments on my driver’s license photo! Not this time…I ripped my hair out of the ponytail, fluffed my bangs (which I cut myself about a week ago – so, you know how sweet they must look!), smeared some lip gloss on…she tells me I can “smile but no teeth” which is a guaranteed chipmunk cheek situation, kwim? FAIL. Snaps the pic…and she says “well, at least it’ll be in black and white”….TERRIFIC. Even the DMV lady knows it’s Le Suck. *shakes head sadly*  This ordeal took about an hour of my life and they will mail the new license to me. She said I could shred my old one or keep it as a souvenir. A souvenir of what? My lost youth????

Since I’d already lost my Kelly Day mojo, I then went to Costco…figured if my soul had already been sucked out by the DMV, Costco couldn’t hurt me…right?! lol  Have decided that it’s Masochist Monday…’cause apparently I like pain! Just another Masochist Monday…wish it were Sunday, ’cause that’s my Fun Day …*singing*

Go to Hell, Halloween Candy!

Welp, apparently I’m incapable of any original thoughts and am devoid of any writing mojo these days. *sighs*  So, I thought I’d treat you to another look at my thoughts on Halloween Candy.  Side note, judging myself on the “Edward Cullen” reference from 2009 in here. *sighs*

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OMG, so I *just* blog about saying hell no to the Halloween Candy and head out to Costco.  Mistake. (not matter what time you go, it’s a zoo…you buy too much…etc.etc.) As soon as I walk in, there it is. The MOUNTAIN of Halloween Candy. It was piled high, taller than I am!  Enormous bags of aalllll the good stuff.  And, it spoke to me.

Halloween Candy:  KKKKkkkkkkkeeeeeellllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Come over here! Come look at our adorable packaging! We’re here at Costco so we are obviously a ‘good deal’ and ‘Frug-approved’…

Me: F*ck off, candy.

Halloween Candy: C’mon! We love you! We’re here for you, always!  You are looking so skinny!  Must be those Sketchers Shape-ups you bought…

Me: STFU, candy. I quit you.

Halloween Candy: You can’t quit us! We are in MINI packages!  Mini packages can never hurt you! It’s all good! And, dark chocolate is good for you!

Me: *growls* *hisses*

Halloween Candy: You’ve had a hard day, you DESERVE some candy! You’ve done laundry, the dishes, walked the dog…cyber-stalked Robert Pattinson…

Me: Edward Cullen???  Robert??? *dazed look in my eyes*

Halloween Candy: That’s right, come on over here…hold the 100 piece bag in your hands…tthhhaaaatttt’ssssss iiiitttttt…ggggoooooodddd.

Me: You are my personal brand of heroin, chocolatey deliciousness…

Me: Candy?  You.Complete.Me.

Me: Wait! Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooo! I can’t! GAH!

Toss bag back into bin…run away, screaming…

Saturday Schmaturday

Spent most of yesterday nursing a bit of a head cold. Not that anyone in the house had a bit of sympathy for me.  Other than Otis, who guarded the bedroom door for me while I slept in (10:30! woot!) and Fiona, who snuggled against me. The household humans were oblivious. *glares at them*

I also spent time hiding from the Frug. It was Black Saturday…the day that the AmEx bill arrives and is meticulously reviewed. “KELLYYYYYY?” *hides with ears covered* “KEL??!!!!!” (which, if you recall, sounds like COW when Mr Baltimore says it) “COW?! What is this $250 charge at Costco???”  “COOOOOWW?!!!!!” What did you buy at Nordstrom for $87?” “COW!!!!”

He also printed a Year-to-Date/Year-over-Year spreadsheet that compares last year’s spending, by category, to this year’s spending. Kelly Grooming and Kelly Clothing lead the pack as in the RED and OVER BUDGET.  Which seems impossible to me b/c I feel so ungroomed most of the time and sport a wardrobe mostly by Target, kwim??! Le sigh.

Cut to our Date Night. Dinner out w/Robin and Wrench. The soon-to-be-Marrieds!  Chit chat and too much eating. The usual.  What was UNusual was the stink eye Robin and I were getting from some b*tches at the restaurant. Openly staring at us and sneering. SNEERING. It had happened a few times before we got the the restaurant too. Some slores gave me the up and down stare, you know, the once-over from head to toe and then a freaking eye brow raise. I was like “WHAT?!!” I thought I looked reasonably cute. Black tee, white skirt, adorable strappy platform wedge heels.

Enzos, on sale for $41 PLUS an extra 20% off! Frug Approved?!

An Old Whore to be sure (Old Ho Fo Sho?) but not scandalous or stare-worthy.  Hmph.  And Robin couldn’t look like an Old Whore if she tried. A supermodel perhaps. A pro volleyball player who models on the side, yes. Again, not deserving of the utter stink eye we were getting. It’s a shame I hadn’t been drunker (or if I was from Jersey or something *snickers*) b/c I would have perhaps said a few choice words, LOUDLY.

That is all. Must go check out the MTV Movie Awards. B/c I’m 12, obviously. Nothing to do with possible Robert Pattinson sightings and other misc Twilight stuff! *whistles*