OMFG! Tell me this is NOT his real mug shot??? Charlie from Party of Five is NOT that bloated and puffy!!! And, more importantly, he would NOT junk punch a woman! WTF?! This is some Dharma bullshit, I hope.
Poor Frug, he’s feeling very “under attack” today here at kellysuperficial! I told him I love him dearly but he is just pure Blog Fodder sometimes!
Case in point…here’s an article he said me about the evils of fried foods. (side note: I’m worried that I may actually injure myself with the epic eye rolling I’m doing today) I was able to copy a key chart…see below (stupid WordPress is not letting me type below the )@$* chart)…
So, let’s note that my favorite VEGETABLE french fries are the number cause of weight gain. Why why why?? It’s a potato. A lovely and lowly tuber that, deep fried and heavily salted, is truly a food of the Gods. You can take the girl outta Ireland but you can’t take the Ireland outta the girl. Am I right or am I right?? Harrumph. Am wondering WHY he sent this to me. A passive aggressive way of saying “Hey, lay off the fries, bitch?” Or just Blog Fodder? *taps chin*
It’s me, reporting from the Disaster Zone of the Day…seriously, Mother Nature? An earthquake and then later in the week a freaking hurricane?? Give a bitch a break!
So, my East Coast Superficialistas, are you all “hunkered down“? I personally am NOT. I refuse to “hunker” whatever the heck that even means. Ogres hunker. Large carnie type people hunker. Dainty, delicate creatures like myself are “prepared” (someone come up with a fun word for me please!)…
How prepared? I didn’t run out to get TP and water. Eff that. I got a 12 pack of Diet Coke, a twin pack of Sutter Home Pink Juice, a fresh bottle of Skinnygirl Margaritas, and chips and salsa. There! All ready for the Hurricapacalypse!
Guess what the Frug is doing? Organizing! Yes, it’s important for everything to be neat and tidy for when the EMTs drag our carcasses out of here. *rolls eyes*…“Hey, Cow! Now would be a great time for you to go thru your Hoarder Boxes!” *scowls* I did promise him I would go thru ONE box.
Oh, do you not know what a Hoarder Box is? (see also: Hoarder Bags) It’s a container that you throw all kinds of misc. crap into in an effort to make it appear like you’ve cleaned. Like how I use closets and under the bed areas but these are portable! You can pile hoarder bags and hoarder boxes anywhere you need to and then move them when you’re ordered to clean them out!
The one I’ve promised to go thru and “organize” the crap inside? I truly have no idea what I may find in there. Could be just about anything. *sighs*
Oh, another thing that he hit me with?? An email inviting me to “Chore Wars“! OMFG. Check it out — http://www.chorewars.com/ I have refused (childishly) to click on the link but he has strong-armed the children into joining. Apparently it’s like a game and you get points for doing chores! Yahoo! *violently rolls eyes*…this is kind of like his “Being Frugal Can Be Fun” f*ckery.
Sweet Baby Jesus, please help me get thru this without causing bodily harm to someone I love…
Okay, can we just say “eeuuuwww” to Madonna’s boy toy playing with his junk RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER DAUGHTER?! Inappropriate!!! Speaking of inappropriate — nice rack, Lourdes! WOW.
OMG, MichaelK. Below he calls Madonna “Vampire Cougar” (say it in that guy’s “honey badger don’t give a SHIT” voice) — You didnt think a vampire cougar could openly laugh at the sun like that. That vampire cougar don’tcare.
The sea creatures of the South of France got a taste of piss from one of Madges babies yesterday when they just couldnt hold it and had to make a pee in the Mediterranean Sea SPOILER ALERT: It wasnt Rocco, Mercy, Lourdes or David. At least I think Baby Brahim is trying to pinch his pee pee hole in that picture above. Or maybe hes checking to make sure that Madges vadge only swallowed one huevo during the youth sucking ceremony from the night before. Probably the latter.Madge took her entire family of BABIES!!! to Eden Roc yesterday and watched as they frolicked in the sea in their bathing suits while she was pretty much covered from the neck down. You can laugh all you want at how Madge is covering up her carcass the same way a fat kid covers up his titties during P.E. pool hour, but she is a damn genius.You didnt think a vampire cougar could openly laugh at the sun like that. That vampire cougar dont care. The hardened mask of creamed fetuses over her face and that weird bathing outfit is making the sun her bitch. Try her, Antonia Gavilán de Logroño! Try her! I swear, Vampire Beehl could learn a thing or twenty from this bitch.
Where was I? I think all I did in my previous posts was bitch about the luggage and gush about all the food and wine. The End.
View from our fave restaurant in the Marina Grande in Sorrento
Okay, Sorrento. Loved it here. The hotel was stellar. The rooftop bar and pool were worth every penny 😉 (and I say this as the person NOT paying the bills lol). Sooooooo, other than eat amazing food and drink wine (and shop for replacement clothing), what did we do? At night (around 8pm, post siesta!) we would go find a waterfront restaurant and eat fresh,simply prepared seafood, and drink vino perfecto. By day, we went exploring the highlights of Southern Italy.
First up? Positano.
Rocky beaches in Positano
Took a boat to Positano. Anything involving a boat is immediate win for me. Positano was cool. And by cool I mean incredibly HOT. Lots of walking up UP UP the hill to the top, looking down at the water wishing we were in it and marching back DOWN. Poor 9 was dying. He was happy to stop in the little churches to pray that the torture would be over soon!
Before we did the death march, we had to stop so 9 could mark his territory. I swear the child is part canine. Must Poop EVERYWHERE. So, I am standing in the middle of this quaint cobblestone street while 12 takes 9 to the bathroom (Remember, he can’t go in the ladies room anymore so mama is off the hook! Woot!)…the Frug is taking pix and then leans over and whispers, “There’s Rod Stewart” and I’m like, “Okay, suuuure” b/c the Frug is notoriously WRONG about celeb sightings. I turned to look and saw a guy with spiky blonde hair and a turrqoise shirt sitting at a table about 8 feet from us. I’m like “Okay, this could be him” and then he spoke and BAM “Hello There, Rod!” His current tall blonde wife was with him and their 2 little ones were seated across the street (tiny Italian street, mind you — not across 5th Avenue or anything lol) with their nanny. God, I wish I was a celeb! “Take the babies over there so I can enjoy my meal!” Lol So, we stood there FOREVER. I think we were freaking Rod out. I didn’t stare and didn’t go up to him although other people did. I felt a little sorry for him. The Frug got some surreptitious pix. Later on, he said “You are so much prettier than Rod Stewart’s wife — I can’t believe how fat she was! ” And I was like “a – thanks and b – she just had their 2nd baby 2 months ago!” She was quite pretty tho. The man definitely has a type – tall, blonde, big tits. lol and not kidding at all.
Next up? Capri.
The Frug's Frutti di Mare Crudi - scary!
Another day, another boat. LOVE. Toured the teeny tiny town and had a faboo lunch at the marina. Food, wine, water view. All pure win for me. Took a boat trip around the island and saw where the celebs stay (the dreaded Gwyneth Paltrow’s name was mentioned – ugh) and some amazing boats. We also took a tram (so lame) to the top of the mountain and had a fancy cocktail overlooking the harbor. I managed to get wifi there so I was a happy girl…
Last full day in Sorrento — Pompeii. We could have taken the Circumvesuviana train there but the Frug swore he would NEVAH get on it again! Lol. So, we had a driver (Aldo, lovely person) take us. Someone, she shall remain nameless, had a bit too much wine the night before and was grateful for the A/C and smooth ride. O.O
So, Pompeii? What to say?? It was incredible. And difficult. All cobblestones and rough surfaces for 9 to struggle with. That place is NOT for the disabled. Seriously. That said, it’s a total Must See. You’ll be amazed at how civilized they were back in 79AD. And, obviously, there’s the whorehouse. *rolls eyes* I think that’s the main attraction so they take you to it last! Jerks! haha We walked quickly thru it so pervy 9 couldn’t see the paintings of sex acts above each room. The Romans were a horny bunch it seems. Horrifying. lol *whispers* I told the Frug that it still smelled like sex in there. lmao
Okay, now we’re ready to move on…next up? Getting to Porto Cesareo from Sorrento. Sounds like smooth sailing, right? DUN DUN DUN…
The ONE THING that I was never afraid of. (You know about my fear of flying AND tsunamis are way up there too, btw) I always figured, how bad could an earthquake be? A little shaking. Well, Sweet Mother of TERROR…
I thought the whole house was falling down. Otis, Fiona Sarcasmo and I were all running around like lunatics. My first instinct was to Get the F*ck Out of the House. Which is all wrong apparently. *sighs* It goes against every instinct to stay in the house and hide under a table or whatever. I just felt like the roof would collapse on me and crush me like whoa.
Anyway, all is fine. Some pictures fell down. 9’s cross fell off the wall (omen?!). No major damage. Except to my sanity. Not kidding. Came back in the house and shook like a leaf and cried (in hiding b/c I had to be all strong in front of Sarcasmo)…
9 was at school where they all ran and screamed apparently too 😉 (we don’t do earthquake drills here BECAUSE IT’S VIRGINIA) He seems okay. I think there were a bunch of people in charge of making sure he didn’t have a breakdown.
Wish there was someone here for ME. *sighs and glares at the Frug who is NOT HERE right now* Perhaps a wine and Xanax drip? Yes. That’ll do nicely.
And the USWeekly one that says they have NOT split is here…
What to believe??
While digging for scoop on the possible split, I found this lovely article where Will says “I’ll tell my wife if I need to have sex with someone else.” Oh really, Will? MFWTF? The day the Frug tells me he needs to have sex with someone else is the day his balls have an unfortunate encounter with a kitchen knife. Or pliers. Or something else really terrifying and bloody.