Archive | November 2010

Need Gift Advice

Am just so behind on the Gifting this year. Have NO IDEAS for anyone really! Not even for myself!! (and that, my Superficial Sisters, is a first! lol) Anyway, I bought something for 12 today and I’m now thinking it’s more of a MFC gift. MFC is “Merry F*cking Christmas” MFC gifts are ones that seem nice and yet have a mean little bite to them. Like giving someone clothing in a size you know is too small. MFC! Or, a box of nicotine patches for someone who has no intentions of quitting the cancer sticks! MFC! Or, here’s an excellent example: the year I was pregnant with 12, the ever-thoughtful Frug gave a me a treadmill! Merry F*CKING Christmas!  Thanks for growing me a child but don’t get FAT!

So, I got a Zeno Hot Spot for 12. I’m semi-obsessed w/his skin. I’ve always sworn that I would never let my kids have pizza faces, kwim? However, I also said I’d never let my kids run around with snotty noses or play video games and we all saw how that turned out. *rolls eyes* Anyway, his skin is fine-ish. He’s had some blackhead issues and one WHOPPER of a zit…(he let me pop it – trust me the thing was begging to be popped – and it exploded white goo in three directions!  It was one of the most satisfying experiences I have ever had *smiles fondly*)

Where was I?  So, the Zeno Hot Spot is a heat treatment thing for pimples – supposed to heal them within hours. I saw it, and thought “Hey, 12 could use this!” AND it was on sale AND I had an extra $5 off coupon – it was a bargain! But, now that I have it at home, I’m thinking it’s very MFC. No 12 year old boy will open a zit killing device on Christmas morning and be filled with joy, right?? (any of my PMHS friends remember saying “Thanks a Bunch, Bitch!”???)

Well, I guess I don’t need advice, do I? I can’t give him the Zeno Hot Spot as a gift, can I?? *sighs* Back to the drawing board, I s’pose. (and, no,  I am NOT returning it!  Just b/c it’s not a gift doesn’t mean that little zit face is saved from my home facials! *chuckles evilly*)

Zeno HOT SPOT Blemish Clearing Device.

And the Great Winter Dry Out Continues

Looking for a new word.  A phrase? A descriptor? My hands are doing the early winter dry out. The cuticles are so dry (despite my lovely mani last week) and I have to pick at them and peel the edges til they bleed. Okay, they don’t bleed but they hurt like a mofo. My knuckles are all peely and dry…and it seems like once they are at that point, there’s no way to get them nice and moisturized again. I occasionally do the overnight hand treatment (you know, where you put vaseline on your hands and wear mittens to bed?) Seems to work for a day and then you’re back to the scaly hands again. *sighs*

So, whilst doing my copious amounts of laundry, I was taking items out of the dryer. Grabbed something silky and the dried out skin caught on the fabric. Icky. Felt all snaggley. It was like touching velvet the “wrong” way. Gave me the chills.

So, is there a “word” for that? Creeps me out.

Anyway, I bought a home paraffin wax spa thingy (side note:  it’s by HoMedics…they emphasize the “Ho” in Homedics! lol):

The wax is currently melting…I’m hoping that it works like the paraffin treatments at the nail salon! (side note: I bought this last year when it was on clearance at Target – so, very Frugal)…wish me luck!  I’ll keep you posted…if it works, maybe Santa can bring you one! 😉

Any dry skin “Helpful Hints” for this old lady???

*singing* It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like…

…time to freaking PANIC!

It’s November 29th…according to this Christmas countdown timer thingy, Christmas is 25 days, 13 hours etc away. I prefer to just say 26 days. Even so – Holy Crap!

Just got back from our Thanksgiving whirlwind o’travel fun. Which means I am BURIED in laundry…but this is nothing new. Sadly, due to my slacker ways, the “travel laundry” pile is on top of the older Kelly-is-a-lazy-ass laundry pile. *sighs*

Just looked at the calendar…biz biz bizzy! We have 3 Christmas parties this year!  Which I am p-s-y-c-h-e-d about actually. (head-in-sand about attire, etc but that’s par for the course) This is the most we’ve had scheduled in a long time. It makes the Frug so happy to have plans…he’s a social beast…I like it but there’s a part of me that would like to be in my Snuggie all December long.

Of course, it’s not all parties on the calendar…there are dental appts, eye exams, mama needs her mammogram, holiday parties at the kids’ schools, 9’s various regularly scheduled therapy appts and his nightly homework stress, 12 has homework and projects (boy, do I love that he doesn’t need or even want my help anymore – which is not to say that I don’t have to listen to his complaints tho), Boy Scouts, and CYO basketball is starting (I actually LOVE this)…

And, we have decorations to put up (when and where to buy the tree this year?! eeek), carpets need cleaning, gifts to buy, cookies to bake…oh, gotta hit the GYM and walk the ever-needy Black Beast…

The kick-in-the-teeth me? 9 is done w/school as of 12/16. THE SIXTEENTH! *shrieks* What kind of parent-torture is THIS? 12 is done at 11:30am on the 22nd…Now THAT’S more like it.

*heart pounding*

So, I’ve been doing my housework today and writing and researching Xmas gifts…which is hard when I have no clue what anyone wants…other than that 9 would love another Oreck…this time he wants the $800 model. “Or the Tinas can buy it for me!”, he says!  *sighs*  Btw, the Frug wanted Black Friday to be a “Come Drop Off All Your Useless Crap Day” but it’s not as catchy…


I want to sing a holiday panic song but I’ve having trouble with the lyrics. Here’s what I have so far:

*sing to the tune of Jingle Bells*

Holy Shit! Holy Shit!



*sing to the tune of It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas AND Jingle Bells*

“It’s beginning to look a lot like…Holy Shit! FML! I have too much to do…”

Yeah, I’m not much of a songwriter.  Someone help a sistah out.

Have “invented” a new insult!

(Be warned, this is gross, even for my standards! Lol)

Ready? What could be worse than calling someone a douche bag? (douche bag is my go-to insult for when I’m driving) Side note:  not once has either of my boys ever asked “Mom, what’s a douche bag?” I wonder if they’re afraid to ask? Lol I know that 12 would be horrified and 9 would be intrigued and have many follow-ups questions! 😉

Where was I?? Oh yes, what’s a nastier thing to call someone? Ready? A “giblet bag”…seriously, how foul (fowl! Ha!) is that? Giblets.  *shudders* What kind of sicko even thought of doing that? “Hey, let’s take all of this creature’s internal organs out and then stick’em in a bag, along with it’s neck, and then shove it all back in?” Poultry farmers are some sick f*cks!

Even worse? You know how disgusting the poultry industry is, right? So, there’s a very good chance, almost guaranteed, that the giblets you remove from the poor bird aren’t even its own giblets. Insult to injury, no?  (the process of removing them is disgusting…ugh…on Twitter, some gross yet funny guy said “it’s not ‘removing the giblets’, it’s Turkey Fisting!”  haha and eeuww)

You’re welcome for your new phrase.


I Think I See An 8-Ball

There is something seriously wrong with me. I live for pix like this!  muahahaha

Hello Paris Hilton’s ass crack! And, look Superficialistas!  Someone seems to think that Leggings are Pants and I think that the sight of her ass cheeks glowing through her notpants proves my point. Leggings are NOT pants.

And wear some freaking undies, ho!

I Think I See An 8-Ball.

News – Report: Taylor Momsen Suspended from Gossip Girl – Movies, TV & Music –

I haven’t watched Gossip Girl at all this season. I kind of got turned off with the “Georgina and the baby” plot line. And, Little J is all kinds of wrong. Just look at her?!!

She makes that slutty Miley Cyrus look like Mother Teresa.  She’s 17…and she looks like a crack ho. Where is her mother???!!!!!

News – Report: Taylor Momsen Suspended from Gossip Girl – Movies, TV & Music–

News – Prince William and Kate’s Wedding Date, Venue Announced! – Healthy Lifestyle –

So, it’s going to be 4/29/11! Who’s going to be tuned in and watching??  Me Me Me! I can just see 12’s eyes rolling over this…first Twilight and now a Royal Wedding? He’s going to think his mother has truly lost her mind. No, I take that back. he is going to KNOW that I’ve lost my mind! lol

Am LOVING that they just got engaged and the date is SET for 6 months from when he popped the question. I wonder if Wills tried to pull some f*ckery like “oh, let’s have a long engagement” or “wouldn’t next winter be lovely?”…girlfriend was like “Hellz No”…she waited 8 years to get engaged and she is going to seal that deal asap. A girl after my own heart! *cackles*

News – Prince William and Kate’s Wedding Date, Venue Announced! – Healthy Lifestyle –

Inauspicious beginning

Any day that begins with me on my back with my legs up in stirrups can only get better, right?

So glad the awful gyno violation is only once a year. I get myself all worked up and sweaty over it. Was tempted to cancel it but decided to be mature and get it over with.

Gotta say I love my new doc. (this is the one who did the sent-from-God endometrial ablation for me when my other doc said ‘no, but we can remove your uterus for you instead’) Her office is quiet, not too crowded. And, get this–I was in and out (haha) in 30 minutes!

Things I can be grateful for:

  • Small hands
  • No comment about the porn star-esque grooming on a 44 year old mom of 2 *giggles*
  • Didn’t over crank the speculum (again, previous docs have done the click click CLICK and I am left laying there wondering just how much  more I can be opened)
  • Didn’t venture into the old Exit Only (this has only happened one time – the doctor is like ‘and now…‘ and went in the back door!)  *shrieks*

Minor annoyances:

  • The scale is in the bathroom. Why?!! Part of me liked that it was private…but, it’s the BATHROOM! Unmentionable things happen in there! Lol
  • The nurse announced my weight! I was standing on the scale with my eyes SHUT for a reason, missy!

Anyway, got out of there with some of my dignity intact…

So, decided to actually get some important stuff done…and I did!


Ordered the Christmas cards!!!  A Christmas miracle!  It’s only November 22nd!! Don’t have to do the “Happy New Year” cards this year!  The Frug is quite pleased with my initiative and work ethic today >;-)

So, despite the unpleasant start to the day, I can feel very good about my Monday!