Okay, based on these 2 whoreanus bathing suits, I am NOT going to take their advice on ANYTHING!
Sweet Baby Jesus, look at this chick in this “bikini”…she’s Ice-T(ea! lol)’s wife?? Whatevs. I cannot believe how horrendous she looks! Cover your hoohah! (I swear I can see her 5 o’clock pubeshadow!)…cover your butt! And the boobage? She maybe should just go naked? She practically is already.
Yes, I am. Very. And, according to the Frug, I am ‘scary’. *glares*
We’ve been having a bit of a heat wave here. Temps nearing 100 degrees (attention, Mother Nature – it is JUNE! Not August, JUNE!)…as I’ve gotten older *sighs* I am less and less able to cope w/the heat. I used to love baking myself in the hot sun….always wondered why people wanted shade…shade?? That would cramp my tanorexic style! Now I find myself huddled indoors, using a big umbrella at the beach, walking on the shady side of the street w/Otis (my big black dog likes the shade too!)…
Anyway, what does this have to do with my being bitchy?? On Sunday, we were having ‘Family Fun Time‘…(the Fun in that is optional, apparently). Went to the pool together (this is unusual b/c usually it’s just the kids and I or sometimes the Frug will bike to the pool – for the exercise, b/c he is such a fitness fanatic *eye roll*) The place was PACKED. Everyone and their crazy uncle was there. Ugh. The water was warm (you know why the water’s warm, right??? eeuuww) and felt a little oily (people’s sweaty bodies and their nasty sunscreen slipping off their fat bodies). *shudders*
Toddlers galore. You know, the little people with no boundaries, no sense of personal space, screaming…and their parents who are oblivious to the fact that perhaps other people don’t find little Trevor’s incessant splashing to be charming. Or that Olivia jumping into the water mere centimeters from someone (me) is perhaps ANNOYING?!! Oh, and the BALL THROWERS! Yeah, we’re in a pool as crowded as a subway in Tokyo, let’s start whipping balls around! (and it’s always the people who think they are Joe Athlete and their kid, Future Superstar, who are throwing the balls and MISSING and hitting other people (me) or overthrowing the ball and looking at another person (me) as if to say”can you get that?” and the answer is “Hell No”. (I have similar issues with the ball throwers on the beach. Go somewhere else, PLEASE. You do not have the motor skills to be throwing objects so close to other people.)
And there were the kids who were swimming underwater…and touching my legs as they went by. *shudders* I knew, rationally, that what was touching me was NOT some kind of sea snake or other disgusting creature BUT it still creeped me out.
I had my sunglasses on but I think the effect of the laser beams I was shooting at people was still felt.
Do.Not.Touch.Me. Do not throw things. Do not splash me. Do not jump into the water, right on top of me. (again and again) Do not SCREAM. Do not come up out of the water, coughing and spitting and pretty much vomiting. Do NOT blow your nose in your hands and then swish the snot into the pool water. I will hurt you. I will.
Hmmm, maybe I am a little scary?
Why, Cameron? WHY???? A-Rod is a total douche. He’s a hot douche but a douche nonetheless. AND, he’s been with Madonna AND Kate Hudson…and those bitches have been around! lol
And, another bitchy side note…hate the red lipstick. Makes her look drag queeny. (I heart Cameron Diaz, I DO! but not with the red lipstick…and NOT boinking A-Rod)
You know what? Bruce Willis looks damn good. He’s 55! Hello! I don’t see any obvious plastic surgery markers, do you? Then again, he was married to Demi Moore for all those years…hmmm? God knows her surgery/ies were well done.
I have to say Bruce is kind of a sexy mofo…
A ‘by the numbers’ comparison of both franchises (books AND movies) from our friends at EOnline…Jen? You’ll like this article 😉
(am upstairs, hiding from the family…wonder why?)
**sounds of some kind of skirmish**
8: MOM! He HIT me!
11: Did NOT!
8: Did TO!
**more shoving and pushing sounds**
Both: Ow! Hey!
Frug: Where is your Mother??
Frug: COW?!!! The children are fighting!
Me: *slams head to desk* Repeat.
Sweet Jesus. Would you LOOK at the fug-ass suit??!! It’s supposedly vintage Gucci or some b/s but it’s AWFUL. So, burgundy suit, grayish (looks just sort of old and unclean to me) shirt and black tie. ROB?!?! Why? Classic black tux or suit, please?? The Twitter folks were saying things like ‘Ron Burgundy wants his suit back’ and ‘he needs some hoes b/c he’s wearing a pimp suit’ and ‘kind of like Johnny Depp in Willy Wonka’…all BAD. But, his new hair and cuteness helps, right?? Right.
And her dress? *sighs* I usually love Kristen on the red carpet (btw, it was a BLACK carpet) but this dress does nothing for me. The one shoulder look can be hard to pull off – KStew is wearing a one sleeved dress…and it’s sort of a cross between a wedding dress and a skating costume…and not in a good way…she also had on a pair of SWEET 5 inch high (!) Loubs but apparently she took them off the second she entered the theatre! Can’t blame her.
Anyway, Eclipse! Woo! June 30th is this WEDS! *bouncing* Am supposed to see it w/Tina and Casey but I’m sure LMac will find some way to lure Tina away again…*sigh*
WOW! She doesn’t even look like the same person! The good news (for her) is that it’ll wear off in a few months. In the meantime, join me in cackling at her shiteous visage. *cackles evilly*
Honestly, people. Who looks good in high waisted jeans??? They are hopelessly fug. The epitome of MOM jeans (enjoy the SNL video below too!), right?? According to the body type/jeans guide, *I* am supposed to wear high waisted jeans (due to my freakishly long torso)…um, NO.