Archive | February 2010

An Epiphany? A Revelation?

I don’t know what to call it, but I had one. You know how I go on about my appearance? My weight? Everything?  Well, recently I was bitching about gaining a few lbs over the Snowpocalypse…a friend was saying stuff like ‘STFU, you look great’ and I was thinking ‘well, I used to be so small’…’I Used To Be A Cheerleader, for God’s sake’…and that’s when it hit me…When?  WHEN was that???  When was I a cheerleader??? The answer hit me like a ton of bricks.  22 years ago. TWENTY TWO YEARS AGO. 22!

That’s a long ass time ago. A lifetime.  Why should I look like I did 22 years ago (and truth be told, other than having a young, tight 22 year old cheerleader’s body, the rest of me was a mess of fried home-dyed-home-permed hair (a pretty greenish orange!) and orange tanning salon skin, clad in acid washed ankle zipped Guess jeans and big-ass shoulder padded shirts!!)…I certainly wouldn’t want to be who I was back then either…a quivering mass of zero self esteem, no goals, no direction in life…wouldn’t want those days back again AT ALL…sure would like that body tho.  😉 Harrumph. But, why not face reality, right?  A lot has happened in 22 years…2 kids and a shitload of A-G-I-N-G. *sighs*

I don’t want to be the woman who gives up though, right??  Can’t give up on it. If I gave up then I would be wearing my mom’s old elastic waist pants and polo shirts and have my gray hair cut into a mom pixie cut (wash-n-wear!  *shudder*)…there’a gotta be a way to still want to be fit and look good without still being haunted by the ‘Glory Days’ and comparing what you look like TODAY versus what you looked like 22 years ago.

Gotta find BALANCE.  Hmmm. But how?

This entry was posted on February 28, 2010, in 1. 2 Comments

Added to Life’s Indignities…

…was at the gym, attempting to whip my a$$ in shape…normally, I avoid looking in the mirror, for obvious reasons…today I glanced over…WTH? Why are Madonna’s veiny, bony hands attached to my body?

And, if I have to have those hands of hers, why can’t I have the rest of her ridiculously toned body too??

But then I would have to have this face…

at the Hope for Haiti telethon

Did everyone see her during the telethon?  She looked like she’d been pumped full of face fillers.  I wonder if she had had the stuff injected, thinking she would have some time for the swelling to diminish but then the Haiti telethon popped up and she *had* to be seen??  B/c her face was a puffed-up wreck.  I mean that with all love and kisses for Madonna, of course.

Back to the bony claws that now hang from my arms…sigh…not much I can do about it…and, to be honest, they are the very least of my problems right now.  But, c’mon!?!? Why does it all have to be going down the shitter??  At least my eyelashes still rock 😉 (yes, they are the only part of me that’s making me happy right now! How sad?!?)


So, I’ve been off fast food and chocolate for a whole week now (Thanks, Lent)…I must be emaciated already, right?  NO. Damnit. Nothing. Zip. Nada.


*Kelly stomps off to devour a 100 calorie pack of whatever*

This entry was posted on February 24, 2010, in 1. 2 Comments

In other Bad Taste News

I have this article and 2 pix…and I will preface it by saying, ‘YES, I realize that I am going to HELL’…

You can check out the article about Brad and Angie’s twins but I just wanted to post the pix in case you don’t have the time to click on the link…

So, check ’em out. They are sometimes called ‘The Holy Twins’ as their older bio sister is called ‘The Chosen One’…but, let’s be real…and maybe a bit mean?? Is it just me, and it may well just be me, but don’t they look…a little bit…special??  Just for the record, in case you haven’t heard, I happen to have a special needs kiddo of my own…so, even though I am in a glass house, I think I can throw a tiny pebble, kwim?  They just seem a little low tone in the face (and my child has that and he still has those chubby baby cheeks at age 8)…and the open mouths…and the sort of blank stares…bulbous noggins too…I don’t know…maybe I am just a bitch and a terrible person.  Not news, right?  And, to have that awful AWFUL Angelina as your mom??  The odds are not good for these kids! 😉

Evan Lysacek & Nastia Liukin: Gold Medal Mates

Crazy, huh??  Thought for sure this guy was gay with a capital G. And Nastia?  Well, she strikes me as a very slutty little slut. She has a bit of ‘porn face’ if ykwim. Even her name, NNaaaaaaassssssttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa. Meow!

That said, if these 2 are really together, can you IMAGINE all the crazy Cirque Du Soleil shit they do in the bedroom????

And, if he *is* gay, they have all kinds of sparkly outfits they can model for each other!

A win all around, doncha think??

Evan Lysacek & Nastia Liukin: Gold Medal Mates.

Help with Vocab Please

It seems like very time I turn around, there’s a new word that is offensive…just can’t say it…some are easy to recognize…obviously, the N word, the R word, the C word…the F word is apparently offensive, just not to me! lol  But, there’s one that’s newish to me and I need an alternative…

This week, we enjoyed the Olympic Figure Skating…I do love the pairs…I love it when the poor girl gets thrown and lands on her a$$ in a heap. I know, I know. I am a bad person.  The matching sequined outfits were painful, in general. But, there were some men who wore costumes that were semi-acceptable.  However comma the mens figure skating???? Holy Flamboyance, Batman!  Johnny Weir’s ‘Ice Corset’ with the hot pink tassel too?  (*coupled with the ‘I rocked the tassel’ comments?) Evan Lysacek’s shoulder pads and feathers?  The dude with the black sequined skeleton outfit?   Some other guy had on pale blue spandex overalls??

spandex Burberry? WTF?

The Ice Corset. A new classic.

I found him very scary. The jet black hair more than anything else.

The only thing word I could think of was ‘Gay’…but, you can’t say ‘that’s so gay’ anymore, right?  It’s offensive.  It’s now ‘the G Word.’   I have had to educate Eleven on this.  He is forever saying‘that’s so gay’ and I have to help him find something else to say.

I am not anti-Gay. I Love Gay. I want more gay guys in my life. Fabulous ones who will go shopping with me or tell me my hair is making me look like an Old Whore and then help me fix it. And, when I wish to say something is Gay, I mean nothing deragatory…it’s certainly not bad to be gay or look gay, it just is, kwim??  Those costumes…yes, flamboyant…showy…theatrical…GAY.  As in, no straight man would wear it, right???  HELP ME.  Which word conveys all of those things appropriately and yet is not offensive??  You know how I hate to offend.


This entry was posted on February 21, 2010, in 1. 8 Comments