If you were in the Clarendon area, near the Apple store, at around 1pm today, you would have seen a lovely stand-off over a parking spot…and I was involved. Now, I am NOT a confrontational person, I flee from it…if you cut me off in traffic, I may mutter some sort of obscenity but I won’t blare my horn or give you the finger. If someone is trying to merge onto the highway, I let them…even if they have waited til the last #(&@$ second as if blissfully unaware of the merge. Again, no honking, no gestures… I let pedestrians cross the street, I don’t speed up and curse them… if someone has their turn signal indicating which way they are going, I don’t get in that lane and cut them off…Life is too short for that crap, doncha think?
Cut to today…had my usual half-assed workout…decided to check out South Moon Under’s 30% off Sale Prices Sale…had Peter with me…he likes to check out the mannequins’ undergarments and flirt w/the sales girls…So, the outdoor parking is all street parking/parallel parking. Bane of my existence. Partly due to my inability to go in reverse and know where the hell I am, if you kwim? I see someone pulling out, leaving 2 open spots next to one another. There’s a black Mercedes in front of me. He backs into the first spot and I front-end-in to get into the 2nd spot which was behind his spot. Maybe *I* am an ass for front end inning but that’s usually my only prayer of getting into a spot! I suck, I admit it! Anywho, the guy is backing up and continues to back up into the spot I am pulling into. I toot my horn gently to let him know I’m there. Oh, he knows I am there. And he is somehow pissed about it. He keeps coming into the spot that I am halfway in…I sit incredulously, wondering aloud about what the hell this guy is doing. I wait a second and gently toot again and make a ‘move forward’ kind of gesture. What does he do? He puts his car in park and takes out a newspaper and starts to read it! W.T.F???? Clearly, he is like ‘bitch, I want that spot and how dare you front end in and I’m not going anywhere’ I had to inch closer to him to get out of the way of passing cars…he continues to read his paper. I put it in park and decide to wait him out. In the words of Zack Mayo in Officer and a Gentleman “I got nowhere else to go!” I told Peter ‘it’s okay, we have all day’…Peter did learn a few choice words today and interesting phrases. People were walking by the stand-off saying ‘Dude, pull up!’ I smiled at them broadly. I didn’t want to get out of my car b/c that’s when the Jerry Springer Show shit starts to go down. I didn’t give him the finger. I didn’t blare my horn. I sat. I did get out my cell and take a few pix of his car. His license plate said something like ‘IMADOOSH’ or ‘MYDICKSOTINY.’ Anyway, as luck would have it, an Arlington County police car was parked in the spot just ahead and the officer came out of the Apple Store. At this point, I did get out of my car…’excuse me, Officer. Can you please get this man to pull into a spot and let me park?’ Suuure. So, he said something to the guy…and got some sort of b/s in response which I couldn’t hear. The Officer then said ‘sir, you are taking up 2 spots by just sitting there’….and so he moved. This took about 15 minutes.
I was shaking by the time I got into the spot and turned the car off. Shaking w/rage. I haven’t felt so blindingly angry at someone in ages! AAHHHH
**Editing: Just wanted to clarify that I do realize that if there were only 1 spot, the front end inner loses. The backer-inner wins.