Tag Archive | target

The Quest for Luminosity

Luminosity? Luminousness? What’s the word?  Whatever it is, I am not. I wonder if it’s even possible for a women of a certain age to have luminous skin?? Can one be luminous with wrinkles, freckles, age spots, jowls, etc.? I think not.

Regardless, it’s fall and it’s time to TRY. ‘Tis better to try and fail than just give up, right?? So, I’m attempting an actual “Skincare Routine.”  Blah. Even saying it makes me itchy. I despise routines. I feel suffocated even using the word. Routine. Ugh.

Am using the 4 piece Boot No 7 Lift & Luminate kit from Target. It’s a day serum, day cream (with SPF 15), night serum, night cream, and then I bought an additional eye cream. Easy peasy to use and I had a coupon. #frugal I’ve been semi-diligent about using it day and night. This is definitely a step up from my fall-into-bed-with-makeup-on-and-wakeup-and-not-wash-face routine.

I decided against posting “before and after” pix. Honestly, can anyone ever really see the difference in some of the before/after shots?? I’ve decided to just go with how I feel about it. 2 weeks in?  Not fecking luminous at all. lol The stuff goes on easily, makes my skin feel soft, and smells nice so it’s not a complete waste.

And, since I was already buying snake oil, I bought an Illumask anti-aging device. #shame It’s a light therapy mask which is supposed to increase collagen, reduce fine lines and wrinkles, firm skin…a miracle in a mask for only $30. #frugal

It’s meant to be used daily for 15 minutes at a time for 30 days. There is a countdown timer on it so you know how many uses you have left. (and our friends at youtube have hacks that show you how to get more than 30 uses out of it #frugal) The huge issue I have is…15 minutes is a loooooong time. You can’t see out of the mask so there’s no walking around, no reading, no Facebook. Crime against humanity basically.

Here are my thoughts while using it:

Okay, this is nice and relaxing.

It’s warming up…reminds me of my tanning salon days (le sigh)

Do I have to pee? Dammit.

No, I am not going to pee. I can wait 15 minutes.

Okay, what can I think about now?

What if there’s a robber/rapist just stalking me now while I’m lying here blind?

Nah, Otis would be barking.

Unless he’s dead.

Shit, is any oxygen getting thru the mask?

What if I’m slowly asphyxiating myself? This would be a truly vapid way to go. #shame

Okay, maybe I’ll do some butt clenches.

Meh.

How many minutes have gone by? Eleventy four?

Is that the sound of my heart beating?

Should it be so loud? 

Maybe it’s a sign of high blood pressure? Or impending death.

I do have to pee.

Shit.

Where is the cat? She should be snuggling me now.

15 minutes is an eternity.

Oh, there’s Fiona.

And then the mask goes off.

Such a cat move to wait 14.5 minutes to snuggle. CATS!! Aloof jerks! *shakes fist*

Anyway.

Again, before/after results? Nope. Do I look better? No. Feel better? Nope.

Sigh.

 

 

OOOHH! Did you see these fun dresses at Target?

They are ‘Limited Edition’ dresses for $40!  So so so cute!

I bought 2 of them the other day. And, being me, have returned both already. I cannot try stuff on in the dressing rooms. Even nice dressing rooms, let alone the dressing Communist Russia ones that undoubtedly exist at Target. (sorry Target! I am sure yours are a step or 10 up from KMart!)

The Monroe Bustier dress

The Monroe Bustier dress was so cute. I had such high hopes for it! I could see it being awesome for an evening wedding or a fun New Year’s Eve dress. (not that I have an evening wedding OR a fun NYE party to go to! lol)  Sadly, the bust was funky (mine or the dress? hmmm)…the girls just wouldn’t be contained by the underwire bra top part. The rest of it was cute. I couldn’t go up a size b/c then it would have been too large in the body…perfect length though…Just slightly above the knee. Classy. Much longer than Old Whore’s like me generally wear…haha

Marilyn Halter - made Kelly a BIG GIRL. WAH.

The Marilyn Halter Dress. Again, such high hopes!  Very Marilyn in the 7 Year Itch (classic – white dress, wind blowing it up, you know that one) but in black.  On this girl though, big skirt means Big Butt. The bodice area was sort of funny too b/c it had a panel that covered up the cleavage…if you’re going to wear a plunging halter neckline, WEAR IT. OWN IT, kwim? No panels to cover that up!  Anyway, it just made me feel big all over.  NOT GOOD.

Well, go check ’em out.  Especially if you have something fun to do for NYE. I shall envy you in your cute FRUGALISTA dress while I have the Early Bird Special at the Mexican place down the street w/the Frug and the boys.  Sigh.  Grumble.

Fashion Crime

Committed by me.  Repeatedly.  I confess that I do errands in my workout gear. I have been deluding myself that I look ‘sporty and cute’ when I wear my little C9 skorts from Target (btw, I no longer say ‘Tar-zhay’…it’s ‘Tair-get’ like Kristen Wiig on SNL).  Also btw, I love LOVE skorts…wearing regular shorts makes me feel all manly…I have a mannish body…not like little boy skinny w/no hips…mannish as in thick muscular legs better suited to a pro wrestler. If I wear shorts and flats and no toe polish I easily look like man. Sigh.  Anyway, yesterday I had on a cute C9 black workout skort and a racerback tank in a sort of boho print…also from Target…love that store.  Just ask the Frug.  So, I walked the dog in the 95 degree heat…came home to drop him off and pick up Peter to go to OT…I could have changed but I wasn’t *that* sweaty  and hey, I was sporty and cute, right?  Actually no.  

Not sure when I came to this epiphany but wearing one’s workout stuff all day is NOT sporty and cute, esp. at my age.   More like “White Trash Old Whore”…here after known as WTOW.  Pronounced “Wah-Tow” like “Kapow!”  Hmmm, this could be in a cartoon and the WTOW could be like a Villain!  She would be all saggy boobed, wearing stanky workout clothes, sun damaged skin, fried hair (of course)…she could perhaps have a thunderbolt and shriek “WAH-TOW”!?!

Wanna hear the best part about yesterday’s fashion faux pas???  When I got home I happened to notice…for the first time…that I still had the size sticker on my top…a 10 inch long, 1 inch thick Target size sticker.  How many people had I encountered in that 2-3 hour window? Easily 20.  Not one person said a word.  Bitches were snickering at the WTOW with her smelly workout clothes…size Small.  This is actually a little karmic payback for all the years I have let people have crap in their teeth, toilet paper clinging to their shoes, mascara dripping down their faces and been smug about it and NOT said a word…sigh.

Could have been worse I suppose…coulda been a XXL, kwim?