WHY?! I hate her! *whines*
Okay, hate is strong word. The girl just makes me stabby. Her smugness. Her holier-than-thouness. GAH! Her I-was-Brad-Pitt’s-angelness.
Cue Psycho music.
AND SHE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL.
*sticks out tongue*
Read Dlisted, of course. The title of Michael K’s article is perfect, as ever —>>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!.
O.M. F. G.
I just have to copy/paste all of the snarky fun…and, side note, why am I not married to Michael K?
“These bold ass bitches right here. The whoriest whores of the Illuminati are spreading their evil in Rio de Janeiro right now and yesterday they dared to pose in front of the Christ the Redeemer statue. These minions of Satan (aka Pimp Mama Kris) have no shame. The Christ the Redeemer statue probably wished he had a pair of working eyeballs so that he could’ve rolled them before falling forward to take a long nap.
Kim and Kanye Kardashian’s never-ending attention whore tour is making a stop in Rio for carnival and they continued to draw as much attention to themselves as possible yesterday. Kim’s 120 yard long ass gets enough attention on its own, but she made sure that she got maximum attention by making herself look like a giant pile of barfed up Pepto-Bismol. Bitch looks like a bag of melting, factory-defected hot pink jelly beans.
And will somebody pass the KimYe fetus an oxygen mask (tip: just hide the oxygen mask in a giant hollow black dildo, wave the giant black dildo at Kim and her coochie will instantly swallow it up), because the poor thing is probably suffocating thanks to Kim wrapping her body in a cocoon of Spanx.”
The whoriest whores of the Illuminati
These minions of Satan (aka Pimp Mama Kris) have no shame.
Kim and Kanye Kardashian’s never-ending attention whore tour
Bitch looks like a bag of melting, factory-defected hot pink jelly beans.
… in a giant hollow black dildo, wave the giant black dildo at Kim and her coochie will instantly swallow it up)
I. Love. Him.
Kelly + Michael K FOREVAH.
How Do You Say .
Sweet Baby Jesus…it’s MADONNA. Or, as my boo Michael K said:
“…posted this terrifying picture of her looking like Mr. Burns as an albino Bettie Page.”
“THOSE DEMON EYES! If you’re a dude, then your nutsack probably ripped itself off of your body and slammed itself against the screen, because her eyes could cut off a pair of iron testicles.”
I LOVE MICHAEL K.
That is all.
Slurping On Your Soooouuuuuuuuuul.
Sorry to be blunt but c’mon!! She says she didn’t realize that all the weight didn’t come off when you had the baby. WHAT?! Just how stupid is she??????? You start off at 130, end up at what looked to be 200, and your baby weighed 10 lbs. Hmm, I’m not a math person but there’s a good 60 lbs unaccounted for there. Probably more b/c she is a liar too! lol
Enjoy the pic of Jessica’s epic EPIC rack. You could just pop those bad boys with a pin and milk would explode outta them! Impressive.
Here’s a snippet of Michael K’s golden words about Jess just being a regular girl trying to lose the baby weight:
“I’m just your everyday woman…” Heffa, shut your mouth on a loaf of Weight Watchers banana bread, because you ain’t an everyday woman. As far as I know, everyday women aren’t paid millions of dollars to lose weight and don’t have an unemployed husband who can take care of the baby while she walks in place as her private chef makes her lunch. Bitch can call herself an average woman when I see her doing crunches in her cubicle before eating a lunch of broccoli slop that she tried to steam in the break room microwave.
Chestica’s Chichis Kept Her From Jogging.
Sorry for the double posting on Tish freaking Cyrus of all people…but Michael K of Just Jared killed me with his words again…
This is some ridiculous shit that the nosy old memaw at the Piggly Wiggly whispers into your ear about the tramp of the trailer park and the mechanic who got caught fucking a Datsun’s gas tank. I love it. But really, this does make sense. Tish is a forever groupie slut whose one goal is to get more old rock star dick than a urinal in the men’s room of a Vh1 casting office. Tish is living out her dreams! And IN THIS ECONOMY, Bret realized that hooking up with Tish isn’t such a bad thing. They can share European weaves and N.Y.C. eyeliner.
Did Tish Drive Bret’s Rock Of Love Bus Straight Into Billy Ray’s Heart?.
What has the world come to? A TV Hat?
Cleck the link to see the video. And to read Michael K’s awesome prose.
Hot Slut Of The Day!.
It is my dream to someday be able to write like Michael K from DListed. Please go read what he wrote about that sweet angel Lindsay Lohan getting punched in the face…it’s writing gold.
Maybe The Waitress Is Related To Cookie Puss?.
This is all about VAGAZZLING! The Dlisted guy MichaelK calls it ‘fupazzling’ b/c it’s on the FUPA, not on the vagina…
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Again, the genius from Dlisted is a wizard w/words.
Suck & Pop
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If you are evil and DON’T read dlisted, you cannot, in good conscience, call yourself evil. I LOVE MichaelK. PLEASE read the hilariousness he unleashes on Brad and Angelina.
Don’t They Look Happy?
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