Had a call from “Debbie” today. She and I have been trading messages for a while now. So frustrating when you really want to talk to someone but LIFE gets in the way! Anywho, she left me a voice mail today, wanting to talk to me about Cougar Maintenance. Couldn’t take her call b/c that was exactly what I was doing! I was getting a mani/pedi (Midnight in Moscow – LOVE) and getting the brows, and other unmentionable bits, waxed. Maintenance. So important.
Now, I don’t refer to myself as, or even consider myself to be, a cougar. I am not on the prowl, after all. (well, if RPattz was in NYC this weekend, perhaps that moniker would fit! (lol and truly not kidding) I do strive to be more of a MELF. (remember, the E is for EVERYONE!) Because, as a serious upstanding married mother of 2, it’s cool to be desired like a MELF but not to be on the prowl like a cougar! 😉
Back to Maintenance. When Debbie and I talked, she told me her free time (limited thanks to the happy surprise of Baby #3!) is spent on Maintenance. This week it was hair cut and highlights and a mani/pedi complete w/callous removal and paraffin. Last week, it was a microdermabrasion/facial. Then, she also has her bi-weekly sessions with her personal trainer. All this to just BE. Not for an occasion, just to not look like sh*t, kwim?
When the Frug bitches about the “Kelly-Grooming” budget category that is OUT OF CONTROL, I ask him to consider the alternative. Does he want me to look like one of those (shudder) Granola Moms w/the out of control grays, no make-up, wearing Crocs, etc.?? What if I didn’t get my hair done? The grays would overtake the browns within a month. What if I didn’t get pedicures? Those piggies would become hooves. Aging is not pretty even on the feet, my friends. Ever look at an Old Lady’s toes/feet? Good Lord. The waxing of the brows? Does he want me to have a unibrow? I have had one before, and believe me, if it wasn’t a good look at 14, it sure as hell isn’t good on a 43 year old. The ahem other waxing? Well, let’s just say that looking like a gorilla is not good for sexay times…which makes it an APPROVED expense, right? Seriously, it’s money well spent. Are you with me, sistahs??
Have submitted Cougar Maintenance to Urban Dictionary. It has been APPROVED and will be published in the next couple of days. Here’s a preview:
The mani/pedis, the highlights, workouts, facials, waxing, botox, etc. that keep Cougars ‘in the hunt.’ Otherwise, without said Cougar Maintenance, the Cougar risks looking like an Old Whore.
“Where’s Tina today? Oh, she had to go for some Cougar Maintenance at the spa.”
“Did you see Rachel? Girlfriend better go do some Cougar Maintenance.”