Last summer, Ashlee tried to tell me about Amy Schumer. “OMG, you’ll love her!” Meh. Not interested. Until now. She. Is. Amazing. She’s doing these music videos/reg. videos that have me both howling and nodding my head “YES!” Hard to pick a fave. I may blog about them separately.
Today’s Amy Schumer classic is “Last Fuckable Day“…a group of actresses/comedians are celebrating one’s “Last Fuckable Day” — the last time she is considered “fuckable” in Hollywood. Which is, of course, before 40 generally. And men stay fuckable forever. Even when they are old and grey and wrinkled everywhere. Ahem. Think about it. George Clooney. Still fuckable at 53 (54 next week, old man!) and yet Madonna (MADONNA!) is gross and unfuckable at 56. She made out with Drake at a concert and he looked like he wanted to throw up. MADONNA IS UNFUCKABLE, people. I mean, who’s next? Is Courteney Cox unfuckable at 50? Jennifer Aniston at 46??
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. As women, we age and get OLD. Men age and get “distinguished.” Why is that? We try so hard. We certainly try harder than they do. Jerks. We exercise and diet and use pills and potions and injections and surgery and still end up as gross old ladies. WHY WHY WHY? I turned 49 this year and I am definitely looking and feeling every single minute of 49. I read an interview with Candace Bergen. She is GORGEOUS, right? Classically beautiful woman. She said something like “where there used to be interest, there’s nowpoliteness.” Politeness. Yes. I find that I’m getting so many more “ma’ams” than ever. And no man under the age of 60 even glances in my direction. Not that I need to be ogled but I really feel invisible. Just another older lady walking down the street. Avert your eyes.
This makes me so happy. And yes, I know I’m going to Hell…
Okay, her arms are s-i-c-k! My inner body builder is jealous of her guns. However, her veiny arms and hands? Nope!! MANLY!!!! You know she could kick my a$$…
The hair? Um, no. Rat’s nest. Dried and fried. And it’s an unattractive yellow that does nothing for her.
Her face? Her neck? Chest? I want to be critical but I have to say, for 50+, she looks great. You can totally tell she was not a tanner. (@*$_($ and f*ck me. I know she’s had work done…but it’s working for her. Can’t hide those old hands tho! *gleeful evil giggles*
**editing back in…I need a picture of her ass. Not a bare ass – just to see if she has any cellulite or saggage. I bet she doesn’t…*sighs*
SO, Madonna is 52!!??? Damn, she looks great. Around the time of the Haiti telethon, she looked WEIRD. Over-plumped w/fillers was my guess. Looks like they calmed down a bit and she looks good. Never can hide the hands, though…damn hands give the age away…
Like her dress. I would look like a stuffed shiny gray sausage in it…
…was at the gym, attempting to whip my a$$ in shape…normally, I avoid looking in the mirror, for obvious reasons…today I glanced over…WTH? Why are Madonna’s veiny, bony hands attached to my body?
And, if I have to have those hands of hers, why can’t I have the rest of her ridiculously toned body too??
But then I would have to have this face…
at the Hope for Haiti telethon
Did everyone see her during the telethon? She looked like she’d been pumped full of face fillers. I wonder if she had had the stuff injected, thinking she would have some time for the swelling to diminish but then the Haiti telethon popped up and she *had* to be seen?? B/c her face was a puffed-up wreck. I mean that with all love and kisses for Madonna, of course.
Back to the bony claws that now hang from my arms…sigh…not much I can do about it…and, to be honest, they are the very least of my problems right now. But, c’mon!?!? Why does it all have to be going down the shitter?? At least my eyelashes still rock 😉 (yes, they are the only part of me that’s making me happy right now! How sad?!?)
Not sure if I am the first to coin this word. It refers to a woman who *thinks* she is a cougar but is in fact just an old whore. As in, “Wow, lots of cougwhores at Happy Hour tonight.” Or, “Hey, do my new extensions look fierce or do I look like a cougwhore?”