Tag Archive | jessica simpson

Okay, Jess…Better…

FINALLY seeing some progress from Ms Simpson.  Here she is at LAX, flying off to be interviewed by Katie Couric (New show for Katie!! And I hear the elusive E L James is going to be on soon too!)…anyway, looking much improved…big smile on her face…huge mane of gorgeous-yet-always-pageant hair…her thighs are looking much slimmer…which made me wonder if Spanx is making leggings these days…they totally should, right?!

Anyway, here’s a gem from my Michael K:

…Weight Watchers will mummify her in Spanx, wrap her in a full-body girdle, cover the girdle with plastic wrap and then vacuum seal her so tight that she’ll have to learn how to breathe through her ear holes. During Katie’s show, a translator who is fluent in Morse code through blinks will stand next to Jessica, because she’ll be sucked in so tight that she won’t be able to move her mouth so she’ll have to communicate by blinking.”

I love him so.

What A Big Ass Bag.

Jessica Simpson is a Dumbass B*tch

Sorry to be blunt but c’mon!!  She says she didn’t realize that all the weight didn’t come off when you had the baby. WHAT?!  Just how stupid is she???????   You start off at 130, end up at what looked to be 200, and your baby weighed 10 lbs. Hmm, I’m not a math person but there’s a good 60 lbs unaccounted for there. Probably more b/c she is a liar too! lol

Enjoy the pic of Jessica’s epic EPIC rack. You could just pop those bad boys with a pin and milk would explode outta them!  Impressive.

Here’s a snippet of Michael K’s golden words about Jess just being a regular girl trying to lose the baby weight:

“I’m just your everyday woman…” Heffa, shut your mouth on a loaf of Weight Watchers banana bread, because you ain’t an everyday woman. As far as I know, everyday women aren’t paid millions of dollars to lose weight and don’t have an unemployed husband who can take care of the baby while she walks in place as her private chef makes her lunch. Bitch can call herself an average woman when I see her doing crunches in her cubicle before eating a lunch of broccoli slop that she tried to steam in the break room microwave.

Chestica’s Chichis Kept Her From Jogging.

Jessica Simpson at Us Weekly Hot Hollywood Style party should be on X Factor 27apr11

I really like this dress. I just HATE it on her. On someone less, um, squatty it would be adorable. Or maybe in a larger size so it skimmed her fat curves? *sighs* JESSICA!  Please look in a full length mirror before leaving the house. And maybe have someone NOT on your payroll give you an bia$ed opinion. xoxo

Jessica Simpson at Us Weekly Hot Hollywood Style party should be on X Factor 27apr11.

How Jessica Simpson Is Losing Weight for Her Wedding – Healthy Lifestyle – UsMagazine.com

 

 

Oh no. Please tell me we aren’t going to be subjected to another round of Jess has a hot body and here she is in her Daisy Dukes and then oh no, she’s fat again!  Actually, I take that back. I LOVE when celebs fall off the diet bandwagon! muahaha Makes me feel better about myself 😉

In the above pic, doesn’t it look like her fiance is getting a gut? And even though Jessica looks better, that is NOT a flattering outfit.

Meow.

How Jessica Simpson Is Losing Weight for Her Wedding – Healthy Lifestyle – UsMagazine.com.

News – PIC: Jessica Simpson Wears Little Black Dress to Launch New Collection – Celebrity News – UsMagazine.com

Good MOOOrning, Jessica! I know, I know…she’s not fat. She’s fluffy! *cackles* Is it just me or does she look like a society matron? Like a lovely older woman at the country club??  And her BF looks like he’s escorting his friend’s mom…

So, her dude is a football player and yet who looks like a linebacker???  hmm???  She’s a pretty girl…but she is such a puffed up version of her former self…(good thing I don’t live in a glass house, right?!)

The dress is too small and is pulling across her hip area…and her hair is so pretty when it’s down and in soft waves…that updo is so aging, doncha think???

The shoes?  Okay, I like the shoes.  I said one nice thing!  Better quit while I’m ahead!

News – PIC: Jessica Simpson Wears Little Black Dress to Launch New Collection – Celebrity News – UsMagazine.com.

Jessica Simpson is in love AGAIN *sighs*

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica…will she ever learn? Always spouting off in the tabloids about how great her latest guy is, how perfect, etc. And then BAM, dumped!  (Or, as the Frug would have you believe, she gets FAT then dumped)

MichaelK from Dlisted has this to say:

But seriously, Jessica is still one of those girls who tell themselves they are happy by telling everyone about how happy they are. You know, that girl who is always saying shit in front of you like: “Look at my hot man eat that chicken fanger. Damn I’m lucky!”, “Look at my hot man work that remote control. Damn I’m lucky!”, “Look at my hot man throwing me a side-eye like he wants to choke my annoying ass out. Damn I’m lucky!” and “Look at my hot man carry all of his shit out of my house and into the trunk of his new girlfriend’s car outside. Damn I’m lucky!“.

Does He Have A Donut Crumb In His Nostril?.

Jessica Simpson Eric Johnson holiday in Italy July 2010 09july10

Jessica, WTF are you wearing?

So, Jessica Simpson has a new boyfriend.  He’s a football player of some sort…never heard of him…Funnily enough, he is wearing one of the Frug’s outfits…khaki shorts? check. golf shirt? check. LOL  However, let’s look at HER. Sweet Baby Jesus. Is that a Moo Moo? The Frug thinks that Tony Romo ditched her b/c she got fat…if that’s true, this new romance is going to be a short one!

Jessica Simpson Eric Johnson holiday in Italy July 2010 09july10.

Jessica Simpson Hits Carpet After Starting Extreme Vegan Diet – Healthy Lifestyle – UsMagazine.com

Oh, hello there, Jessica!  Or should I say MOO?  Kind of ironic that she’s on some sort of vegan diet right now and yet she looks so bovine.  *snorts*

Didn’t she have a reality show that was about beauty being skin deep and different standards of beauty around the world etc? And now she announcing her latest diet?  Hmmm. I like Jessica, really I do. She’s quite likable,  in a vapid shallow way…maybe she should embrace her curves and go with it. Stop the dieting (and please stop ANNOUNCING the diets, it’s pathetic) and go with it. Her body is pretty, in a curvy ‘big girl’ way. Maybe she could be a plus size model? The only problem is that her face is PUFFED UP like the blueberry girl in Willy Wonka…

News – Jessica Simpson Hits Carpet After Starting Extreme Vegan Diet – Healthy Lifestyle – UsMagazine.com.