Archive | February 2014

Heard at My House…

The Frug has been away this week and the natives are positively feral at this point.  Even cheerful 12 is quiet. Oh how I wish his surly brother would be as silent.

This morning I woke up a bit early. I know, me wake up early? When the Frug is gone, I have a hard time sleeping b/c I’m worried I’ll sleep through the alarm and eff up the morning routine. ANYWAY, since I had some time, I decided to make scrambled eggs and toast for my darling angels. Breakfast on school mornings is usually a quick affair since we have to be out the door at 7:10am. So, I thought I’d give them a nice breakfast today instead.

Sarcasmo comes down the stairs and sees what I’m doing…

Sarcasmo:  OMG, that better not be for me!

Me:

Sarcasmo: I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT.stomps back up the stairs*

Me:

Otis: *drools* More for me!

How is this bullshit in any way, shape, or form??? Someone cooks you breakfast, you eat it, right???

I should know better. Really, I should. There have been morning where he stomps down the stairs and stomps right back up saying he is running late so he can’t eat. So, I will make him a bagel that he can eat in the car. His response to that is generally one of two things:

“OMG, I JUST BRUSHED MY TEETH! I CAN’T EAT THAT!

or

“OMG! IT’S COLD NOW! I CAN”T EAT THAT!”

Stubborn boy will go hungry just to “prove a point“…what point that is, I do not know.

SERENITY NOW.

JFC Simon! Put a Shirt On!

Ugh. Furry and gross. Simon Cowell out with baby mama and baby…wearing mom jeans, black dress shoes, and NO SHIRT. WTF? WHY WHY WHY??

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Why is he so hairy? Why is his shirt off? If it’s that hot, why is he wearing those fugtastic jeans?

Here’s the link to the article on laineygossip. She mentions a game called “Picture Him on Top of You” *runs away screaming*

Captain Redbeard! Sour Puss! SHARK WEEK!

Has everyone heard of Period Panties?? It’s this guy’s Kickstarter and it’s AWESOME. (This has a bit of an Ick Factor b/c he says the word “panties” 293783597 times. Men should never say panties. Heck, *I* don’t say panties. It’s undies or chonies, if I’m feeling especially ghetto.)

Basically, he’s saying “Wear these crazy undies and your man will KNOW not to make any unwanted overtures.” Easy peasy. lol The names of the undies KILL ME:

  • Bloody Hell
  • Shark Week
  • Bleeder of the Pack
  • Cunt Dracula
  • and MORE

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Please note that “Sour Puss” features Grumpy Cat saying “NO” on them.

Also available — Cramp Stamp temporary tattoos.

He was looking for $10K and has gotten nearly $300K in pledges. AMAZING.

Wow, Long Time, No Blog

No blogging in Feb?? What the heck??!!

I can explain, I can explain.

I’m lazy!  I’m frozen!  It’s the Polar )@(&% Vortex!  I had a cold for 2+ weeks! I turned Forty Fricking EIGHT. Then Valentine’s Day! Yeah, yeah…excuses, I got ’em.

Lots to discuss. Like Bruce Jenner becoming a woman. Amiright? One blog is calling him Brucilla. I like that.  He’s going to be the ugliest woman in the home. What??

Surgery to flatten his Adam’s Apple? Yeah, that’s normal, right? He used to be normal, kinda cute, and definitely manly…and then…dun dun dun…

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I blame the Kardashians. You’ve seen them. They are HORRIBLE. They’d made any man want to cut his dick off, right???

So, Kris has made Bruce want to turn his back on manhood. Now, her lovely daughter Kim??  Her awesome fiance is so inspired by his love for her that he wrote this masterpiece of a rap song for her:
[WARNING – EXPLICIT]

Woo! You will never need another lover
Woo! Cause you a MILF and I’m a motherf***er
Told you give the drummer some, now the drummer c**ing
I’m pa rum pa pum pumin’ all on your stomach
Yeah, tonight I see some super freaky hoes
That could go from bein’ strippers to a super C.E.O
I don’t know the way you do it, but you do it to me though
And you always told your girlfriends you need you a TV show
Now you got your own money, you don’t need nobody else
But far as hell with all that a**, I think you gon’ need some help
Let me remind you, you got a, you got a great future behind you
You gotta tell me what we tryna do
I ain’t no pastor, don’t do missionary
I know good (OH!) when I see it, I’m a visionary
I know them haters talkin’, always had us very weary
Yup! On the 35th of Nevuary
Yup! You love the way I’m turnt
After all the money you earned, still show daddy what you learned
That cowgirl, you reverse that cowgirl
You reverse, you reverse, and I impregnated your mouth, girl, ooooh
That’s when I knew you could be my spouse, girl
We f**kin’ all over the house, girl, we just messed up a brand new couch, girl
You ain’t on site then you on Skype
I put you on that bike, you bound, girl
We too wild, won’t turn down
We drunk in love, f**k that

Yes, this is real.

“I want to unknow this. There’s not enough brain bleach for this.” — Daisy Prescott.

Agree, sistah!

If you must hear an excerpt of it, click here.

*shudders*

So, the Kardashians have turned one man into a maybe, soon-to-be, woman…let’s look at the other “men” in the family:

Hmm. Wonder if they can get a group discount on that “larynx shaving” operation?  I think Lamar was smart to get addicted to whatever and GTFO! RUN!! RUN! RUN!!!!

More blogging to come, I swear!