Archive | July 2013

Point/Counterpoint

So, the Frug has been a busy blogging bee. I have to live his posts. I live thru the reality.The airline hacks post? Help me, Jesus.

Yes, the Frug is a super genius with all of his “hacks“…Mama needs her fancy vacations, right? And the Frug has to find THE BEST DEAL. The process is extremely painful. It usually involves multiple Saturdays. He holes up in his office for hours, going from one computer screen to the next (one mac, one PC…and his iPhone too) intermittently yelling:

“COW! When is spring break?”

“COW! Come down here and look at these dates!”  

“COW!!! Are you sure about the dates!?!”

“Are you sure you want to go to an island? I think we should go camping in the Adirondacks.”  (side note: NO)

What if we rented an RV instead?” NO!!!!

“My sister has a place in Maine. No electricity or indoor plumbing. It would be a good experience for the boys!” NO.

“COW! I found a great deal but there’s a nine hour layover in Mexico City. We can use the cost savings that we get with the tickets and get a driver to take us around Mexico City for a couple hours! Doesn’t that sound great?!”

No. Just NO.

Then come the phone calls to the airlines.

What do you mean there is only one frequent flyer ticket available? The flight is 8 months from now! I need to speak to your manager!”  

And then calls to the points program folks. “What? You want 70,000 points for this ticket? I need to speak to your manager!”

Finally, he pulls the trigger and the tickets are purchased. The next few Saturdays are spent second guessing the choice and the Deal.

Sigh.

You may wonder why I’m not more involved. Welp, that is a story for another time. Soon I shall regale you with my one attempt at making travel arrangements.

Not. Pretty.

Have a Slothful and Superficial Sunday!

Coincidence or Conspiracy?

Sooo, had to pick up an item for 2 for the Frug’s bday. Strolled into Nordies for the first time in eons and what did I discover? THE NORDSTROM ANNIVERSARY SALE.

HELLO!?!?!?!?!

How did I not know???? Started thinking…what happened to the little postcard I used to get? Perhaps it was THROWN AWAY by the Frug?! Could he have somehow gotten into my email settings and erased all emails from them? Hmm?!?

He also managed to whisk me away the very day the sale started. And we just happened to go somewhere with spotty wifi and nary a Nordies in a 50 mile radius.

Coincidence or conspiracy, ladies?? I think we know the answer.

Fear not. I’ve more than made up for the 4 days I was kept from shopping mecca. *purrs* Nice try, Frug.

Admin Update and THANKS!

So, you may not have noticed that my blog has moved! I used to have it on wordpress but moved it to a different server. Anywho, I didn’t realize that I FAILED to a) let anyone know and b) use a redirect. So, HUGE thanks to The Very Best Tina(tm) for pointing it out to me! She j’accused me of not updating for a month (again) and this time it wasn’t true!

Anyway, if you got here via kellybexblog.wordpress.com…I’ve moved and this blog is OFFICIALLY located here at kellysuperficial.com.

Sloppy kisses to The Very Best Tina!

It’s the Frug’s Birthday!

Wait, that was yesterday!  Ooops!  A day late and a dollar short, as always!

The Frug will share his July 22nd birthday with the new Prince of Cambridge!!  Was everyone as excited as I was for the big news yesterday?  I actually cried. Such a silly anglophile! lol

So, our big news is that the Frug is BLOGGING. Yes, it’s true. He has started his own blog — thefrug.com. It will be filled with evil hints about how to hoard money and keep wives from having new clothes and makeup!  Tips on how to keep the house at 50 degrees in the winter and 102 degrees in the summer!  No more fun of any kind!

Kidding!  Thefrug.com is apparently all about  “Live Lean, Work Lean, Travel Lean.” This is all in direct conflict with my “Live Large, Work Never, and Travel Lavishly” program.

In his blog, he’ll refer to me as “SuperK“…much debate about what to call me on thefrug.com. Friends helped with ideas such as “Miss Money Spender” — I loved that. I envisioned myself as a Bond-eque villainess wearing a black latex cat suit!!  Another winner was “Spenderella“…

So, the Frug is another year older and is now tweeting as The_Frug and has his own blog thefrug.com. Go be big hairy traitors and read what he has to say. I shall be here pouting.

Shoot. Me. NOW.

Welp, I’m awake. *growls* I have been up since FIVE A.M. Yes, this is a Big Deal to me. I don’t have a job. The kids are not in school. We’re not jetting off to some fabulous far-off island. There is NO REASON for me to be up.

Thanks so much Smoke Detector.

5 a.m.

They never go off at noon, do they??!?!?!?!

Sigh.

The rest of them are asleep (except for Fiona who is “helping” me here by walking across the keyboard periodically). I’m being very quiet and respectful of the sleeping family. If I were the Frug, I’d be up making his delightful cacophony of morning noises and smells. And asking 92490375 questions about my To Do list. 11 would be up blaring HgTV and asking his myriad questions. Sarcasmo? Well, he’s 14 so a) he wouldn’t ever be awake at this hour by choice and b) he is a teen so he merely grunts or stares balefully. I love him.

Sigh.

Carry on.

 

So, This Happened. Again.

Photo on 7-1-13 at 6.40 PM

Now, this is not shocking, of course. I regularly go insane and hack away at my bangs. Who doesn’t? *hair flip*

I’d just like to identify the color of my hair and I cannot. It’s a greenish yellow-orange with grayish brown roots. Pretty AND sexy. Name that color!

Also wanted to (over)share a pic of my roots. This is not-quite 3 weeks post color.

Photo on 7-15-13 at 2.38 PM

 

SO GRAY! OMG OMG OMG!

Getting it done on Weds. I truly need to get an overhaul of the color. Sigh. It’s not that I’ve been in the sun that much (those freckles/age spots are liars) and I haven’t been in the pool yet either. So, the color is effed thru no fault of my own!  *throws things*

Oh, and I’m growing my bangs out already. *shocked face*

 

Is It Hoarding If It’s Organized?

*sigh*

Had a few not fun days this week. Went to PA to start cleaning out my Aunt Sage’s house, may she RIP. Wowsa. That house has been in our family since the late 1800s. It has a freaking dirt cellar! (not that I have ever EVER set foot in it. *shudders*) Several generations have lived there…and died there. LITERALLY. My father, aunt, and uncle were all born there – IN THE HOUSE. My grandfather and uncle died there – IN THE HOUSE. *shrieks*

Anyway, the place has always been neat and tidy. Nothing out of place. We always said that Aunt Sage had the cleanest garbage…she would wrap up her table scraps in foil and then put them in a ziploc bag before she threw them away. Not kidding. At Christmas, the wrapping paper was instantly tossed into the waiting garbage bag and the boxes were flattened and placed into the recycling. Even with a broken arm and a cane, she would stoop down to pick up a microscopic piece of paper to throw it away. Again, not kidding.

Isn’t it odd that the things that irritate us about people are what we end up remembering fondly?

So, back to my story. I was a ruthless dehoarder. I attacked each room with the Frug’s advice in my head — make piles — trash, keep, donate, consign/sell. Sadly, the largest pile was “trash.” The woman kept every greeting card ever sent to her. Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing trip down Memory Lane but, come on!  Throw that shit OUT!

Spent 2 days going thru closets, drawers, cabinets. It was eye opening. So many tablecloths (all neatly folded with tissue paper between each) and Christmas decorations and doilies(!) and sheets and wrapping paper and knick knacks. So much glassware. Glasses for every type of beverage and occasion. Good Lord. So much stuff just headed to the landfill. So sad.

There were some “treasures“…11 found a Hoover from 1964! *rolls eyes*  There were photographs from the early 1900s. Relatives I’ve never seen before. Pics of my grandmother smiling!  (My grandfather died young and my uncle (her son) died at 44…she never really smiled much after that) A photo of my chaste and proper aunt on the beach looking like a young Elizabeth Taylor! Found an old camera for the Frug who is a camera buff. Also discovered so many Christmas gifts that she had never opened. Clothing with the tags still on them. Glad we spent time looking for “the perfect gift”! lol and growl.

Mostly though, it was Old Lady Clothes and Old Lady “stuff.”  Made me all emo.

Made me think that maybe, just maybe, the Frug has the right idea about minimalism. So much of the “stuff” I buy will eventually be looked over by whoever is lucky enough to “inherit” it…and be judged and tossed into the garbage.  Like, “How many pairs of black shoes did she need? Jesus!” and “Why did she have so many little makeup bags?” and “Wonder how much she used to spend at Target?” and “What the HELL is in this bedside table?????”

Sigh.

One of my uber fun upcoming projects is dehoarding the computer room. I counted at least 5 boarder bags…and that’s just a start!  Eep!  Perhaps, for fun, I’ll take inventory of what I find in the bags for you!

Guess it’s better to do this now then wait for my grandchildren to make some eye opening discoveries! hahaha!

 

Name that Word

Okay, looking for the perfect word/phrase to describe that brief moment of panic I feel when I take off my coverup at the pool and think, “shit, did I remember to put on a bathing suit?”

Ideas?

Discuss.

Nigella’s (soon to be ex) Husband is the Douchiest Douche

OMG. Are you following this story???  He had her in a freaking CHOKE HOLD…in PUBLIC…tried to play it off as a “little tiff“…and now just announced he is divorcing her BECAUSE SHE WASN’T SUPPORTIVE.

ASSHOLE!!!

He also said “I’m sorry we had a row. I’m sorry she’s upset.” OMG!  That’s just like the Frug’s “I’m sorry you’re mad!”  (as in, I am NOT SORRY for my ACTIONS, just sorry you’re mad!)

Story Here…http://dlisted.com/2013/07/06/nigella-lawsons-husband-announces-that-hes-divorcing-her-remains-an-utter-piece-of-trash-while-doing-so/

Superficial Air Travel Notes

My fear and loathing of air travel is well documented. I try to put the fear aside for the sake of my family AND for my love of being AWAY from my “duties” as a wife/mom. (*falls over laughing* AS IF that ever really happens!!)

So, mainly, it’s the f-ing turbulence. Intellectually, I know it’s not going to bring the plane down. HOWEVER, IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT WILL!!!

So.

Here’s what I need:

•IV of Xanax (valium will also work)

OR

•Xanaxtini with crushed Valium rim

OR

•With the beverage service, you can ask for a packet of St. X! Like those little Advil packets!

•A full harness like on a roller sister ride b/c COME ON, that silly lap belt?? I have seen a man hit his head on the overhead bin WHILE STRAPPED IN! Not joking or exaggerating. Oh, and when the shit hits the fan and the flight attendants have to sit, have you seen their seat belts? They are strapped in like it’s a mission to Mars.

•Flight attendant to come by and give me the Vulcan nerve pinch til it’s over. Not the Vulcan Death Grip b/c I don’t REALLY want to die…just be knocked OUT. Like this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgMjV3Yse3U

Oh, and here’s some misc. bitching:

I need to drink in order to be “sane” while flying. Hush. Sadly, that leads to needing to pee which contravenes my “must stay strapped in seat the entire flight” rule. (because even though the pilot has turned off the seatbelt sign, there can be “unexpected turbulence” THAT CAN KILL YOU) So, I like to race down the aisle to the loo and pee and race back. What? That’s normal, right?

The problem sometimes is people who take a leisurely dump on an airplane.  Come on!  HOW RUDE.  Quick dumps only. There are people WITHOUT SEATBELTS ON waiting in the aisle for you to read your magazine and drop some friends off at the pool. Speed it up, bro.

OR, maybe they need to have “urine only” restrooms. What? It would be good. You poopers could wait in line WITHOUT SEATBELTS to go, and the quick pee people could zip in and out and get back to their seats. WIN!

My other thought is the in-flight catheter which might be a tough sell for the airplanes. Liability, etc. Jerks. I think it’s practical. And the IV line would work then too.

*Pondering* So many million dollar ideas in this post…