Archive | April 2013

Who Puts the Eff in Frugal?

Part of living with the Frug is getting to hear all about other super-awesome Frugal People. There’s always more being written about minimalism and frugality and other crimes against humanity each day. Before I “retired” back in 2000, I was forced to read “Your Money or Your Life“…twice. UGH. Agony.

So, the Frug’s latest “hero” is Mr. Money Mustache. No, I am not making this up. His motto?  “Stash Your Cash.” *groans*  This guy lives with his wife and child somewhere in Colorado. They are “retired” and somehow only spend $25K a year. They still have health care, travel, have cell phones and cable.  He also claims that they eat well –  “mountains of organic food.” Hmm. He published his annual budget. Certain items made me gasp in horror. Example? “Mrs. Money Mustache’s ANNUAL Haircut.” ANNUAL?!!! And it was something like $20. I need to see a photo of Mrs. Money Mustache’s sweet ‘do. Another line item was groceries — $5,700 a YEAR. Now, that didn’t include wine which was $280 for the YEAR. So, all food and alcohol was $6K. I HATE HIM. Under “Shoes and Clothing”  – $327. FOR THREE PEOPLE.

I.

Hate.

Him.

Other people hate him too. The Washington Post featured him last weekend (to the Frug’s utter delight and my disgust) and many people wrote in to bash him. Click here to read some comments that have been left for him.  One of the kinder remarks referred to him as a “Smug Asshat“. lol

But this guy is the Frug’s idol. How in the world can *I* work with this? I do try to cut back on things. (do NOT roll your eyes at me) I try. But, I know I can never compete with Mrs. Money Mustache and her freaking Amish sister-wife hair ‘do. *sighs*

WANT WANT WANT

And good morning everyone!

Selena Gomez is sporting that bindi again and people are “outraged”…we all love to be outraged, right?  Whatever. All I care about is her BOOTS!

Just drooling over them with fellow shoe whore and make-up aficionado KTB. Verdict on these boots is W-A-N-T.

Selena Gomez-20130425-3

How they would look stretched tightly around the 47 year old beefy calves is irrelevant, dammit. WANT!

Filed Under: EFF YOU @($&(%&#

*sighs*

Have been battling the scale for a while now. No carbs. Exercising. Not even indulging in sugar-free crap. Results? ZERO.

I weigh in naked first thing in the morning. Shitty way to start the day, right? But, sometimes I’m sleepy and a good bitchslap from the scale wakes me up.

So, today. Get my usual “fuck you” from the scale, may she die in a fire. Then, I have a quick poop. Nothing record setting, but a poop nonetheless. “Hey,” I think, “maybe I lost some weight!”…because don’t we all wonder that sometimes?? Anyway, hop back on the scale. GAINED .3 lbs. MFWTF???

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

*kicks things*

Filed Under “Why, God, WHY???!

 

*kicks things*

WHY?!  I hate her! *whines*

Okay, hate is strong word. The girl just makes me stabby. Her smugness. Her holier-than-thouness. GAH!  Her I-was-Brad-Pitt’s-angelness.

Cue Psycho music.

AND SHE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL.

*sticks out tongue*

Read Dlisted, of course. The title of Michael K’s article is perfect, as ever —>>> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!.

Mom Jeans

Jeans are tough no matter who you are or how old you are. I do worry about them on me. I have torso and thigh issues. Long torso and muscular thighs. The oft-mentioned Flintstone Syndrome.  While I was wandering aimlessly around Pinterest (as one does), I found this person’s blog…she does a kick-ass job of exposing the Mom Jeans brands — GAP and Old Navy!  Who knew?!  And she helps regular women (including her own MOM) find flattering jeans. Check it out.

Gateway Mom Jeans

An Inconvenient Gap of Truth.

Long Butt

Mom Jeans and the Dreaded “Long Butt”

Using her own mother as a test subject…Over 50

New Studies Prove that Replacing Mom Jeans Can Result in Surgery-Free Liposuction.

Brave women volunteering to try jeans on and *gasps* have their asses photographed!  Amazing before and after shots tho. Enjoy!

Reese Witherspoon Got Arrested!!!

Filed Under “Giggling Madly” and “Holy Shit“!!!!!

REESE WITHERSPOON ARRESTED!!!

So wrong.

Apparently, her husband whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is was pulled over and failed the Breathalyzer. Reese was in the passenger seat shouting at the cops and wouldn’t STFU. So, she got arrested too!

*giggling*

Anyway, here’s her mugshot:

Side note: That dark hair is NOT working for her but she gives excellent Shame Face. Head down submissively. *giggling harder*

Wait. Does the mugshot actually says “Poon, Laura Jeanne“…POON????  Oh, cancel my howling. It must be the end of “Witherspoon”…damn.

The Frug and I take taxis. Not because we’re rich and famous. Because we are SMART.

Reese Witherspoon Got Arrested And Pulled Some .

But What Tan Mom Really Wants To Do Is Porn!

 

Of course she does. Porn is her obvious Next Big Thing.

Back to the photo above for a sec. Anyone else thanking God she is wearing her chonies? Whew.

So, the sad part (of many) is that she wrote to the president of the porn company (Vivid for you h00rs who want to look it up!) and he rejected her HARSHLY.  How harshly?  He said they are “not interested in Granny Porn“…GRANNY PORN!  She is younger than I am!!!!

If I did porn it would NOT be Granny Porn…it would be horror of some sort, of course, but not Granny Porn.

Growl.

But What Tan Mom Really Wants To Do Is Porn!.

My Boy is Becoming a Man…

*sighs* Sarcasmo. Literally growing daily. He is now officially 6’1″ and 154 lbs. At age 14. WTF? I need to stunt his growth somehow. Maybe hobble him?  IDEK.

Anyway.

In addition to physically growing, he’s becoming more of a man in other ways too.

Went into his room yesterday to pick up the soaking wet towels he left on his bed and on the floor. Saw 2 empty Pepsi bottle, 3 half-empty water bottles, crumpled bags of chips, and candy wrappers. (and yet he is painfully skinny – NOT FAIR!)

Went into my bathroom, where he apparently showered. Discovered a box of tissues IN the shower as well as about 15 crumpled tissues. Who does that?? *praying he has a cold* 

A quick check of my bathroom found a few pubes on the toilet seat, delightful tracks in the toilet, and zero TP left.

Is he a man now? Or just a frat boy??