Archive | February 2013

OMG! Love this website!

It’s a diet tracker which shows you VISUALLY at your goal weight and tracks your progress. You enter your current weight, body type, even hair and eye color, etc. and then your goal weight.

ENJOY!

http://www.modelmydiet.com

Jennifer Lawrence wins Best Actress Oscar, hangs with Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper|Lainey Gossip Entertainment Update

O.M.G. She really is adorable. Not in a cloyingly sweet way…watch the videos…you’ll see.

And the one with Jack Nicholson? I die.  And scrub my eyes with a caustic substance. And inoculate JenLaw against all the STDs.

Jennifer Lawrence wins Best Actress Oscar, hangs with Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper|Lainey Gossip Entertainment Update.

Ben Affleck Got to Me

Ben. Big goofy Ben Affleck. He’s had such a roller coaster ride in Hollywood. From that early Oscar (with Matt Damon) to Gigli and Bennifer to NOW. He was snubbed for “Best Director” but no one seemed to care. He basically gave his Best Director speech last night when Argo won Best Picture. He was ADORABLE. He was sweaty and teary and manic. All very heartfelt and sweet. *swoons*

He thanks Jennifer Garner (and if you read LaineyGossip at all, you know that JG and their family photo opps had a large part in rehabbing Ben’s image in Hollywood) and talks about marriage being “hard work but the best work” or something.

And I loved the end of his speech…

“You have to work harder than you think you possibly can,” he continued. “It’s hard. But you can’t hold grudges. And it doesn’t matter if you get knocked down in life. All that matters is that you gotta get back up.”

And now he can shave that shitastic beard. That is all.

The World is a Scary Place…

…when you google “Anne Hathaway’s Nipples” and get a jillion results. Maybe just the fact that I’m googling that kind of thing is sad and scary in and of itself?! lol and who cares!?!

Anne. Congratulations!!  She is gorgeous and a great actress and she went the extra mile to play Fantine in Les Mis. I think she lost a shit ton of weight, right?!  Anyway…hasn’t been her best year in photos though. We saw her delightfully groomed lady garden a few months ago (WEAR UNDIES PLEASE!) and then, last night…sigh.

hathawaynips2_2491802a

Pale pink couture dress. Demure posture and gamine hair and makeup. What could go wrong?? Sigh. Nipples. Traitor nipples. Actually, it’s the darts in the bodice but who cares about that? All the internet sees is pointy nips and memes are born.

 

Renee Zellweger seemed drunk at the 2013 Oscars|Lainey Gossip Entertainment Update

So, what was UP with Renee Zellweger??? She couldn’t stand up straight and her face was a MESS. She couldn’t open her eyes!!!!  People were saying “bad botox” but botox doesn’t make you look like THAT!  If anything, maybe she needs some to lift those brows UP and make her eyes open.

Lainey always calls her “Snap Face” and says that she looks like she’s been sucking on lemons…so we expect that kind of thing…she’s not a classic beauty but I like her and have always thought she was cute, kwim??

I’m trying to find a pic that shows what I’m talking about. I found this one but it’s almost “good“:

85th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

When she was presenting, she rrrreeeaaalllllyyy looked off. Almost like she had cheapo fake eyelashes on and they were coming off of something.

I said that she looked like she’d been cast in “The French Stewart Story”…

Whatever is going on, it’s BAD. And she needs to get herself together before she films the next Bridget Jones movie.

Renee Zellweger seemed drunk at the 2013 Oscars|Lainey Gossip Entertainment Update.

I am a Super Genius

Obviously, this is NOT NEWS. However, I am now an inventress!  Behold the Tot Pill Pocket. Tot Pocket. Tater Pocket? IDK. I shall have my marketing team get on this name business at once.

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Necessity, as always, was the mother of invention. My poor sweet Beast had his teeth cleaned and scaled and scrubbed and probed. My baby was intubated and knocked out!  (cannot ever say “put to sleep”, right??)  He is in pain (apparently, his neglectful frugal parents have allowed him to develop the “worst case of gingivitis” they’ve ever seen in a dog) and has to take a full course of anitiobitics and pain meds.  We are out of those fancy Greenie’s Pill Pockets and His Majesty refused to take the pills with peanut butter or cheese. Actually had leftover tots (amazing, right??) and my brain actually sparked to life!

The Frug is quitting his job and I have booked our tickets for our around the world cruise. I’ve bought large crates for Otis and the children. We’re RICH!

*trademarks, copywrites, and pees all over this idea* mine mine mine.

Can’t Win! *growls*

TEENAGERS!!

AAHH!

So, my sweet angelic Sarcasmo. *says sarcastically* Such a teenage boy. Lazy, messy, argumentative. Not smelly though. Unless one counts Polo Blue as a “smell.” *rolls eyes*  My boy is very into his look. Is almost late for school each day b/c he is working on something he calls his “flow.” “Flow” is his hair. It’s a characteristic of good hair apparently??  IDK. He is even now…wait for it…blowdrying his hair. I know. How not masculine is that???!  It’s a phase, right??

Sigh.

Regardless, it is affecting his ability to get his ass in the car on time in the morning. If he is late to school X number of times, it’s a Saturday morning detention. Mama don’t play on Sat. mornings, ya feel me?!?  So, rather than sacrifice a moment of his grooming time, he doesn’t eat breakfast. THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY. And his lunch is at 1:30!!!  “OMG MOM, just buy me Pop Tarts!”  To quote Grumpy Cat – NO.

Found some great “breakfasts on the go” on Pinterest (see, my time is NOT wasted there!) and made some “egg cups.” Very simple, high protein, filling, etc. Eggs, turkey sausage, onions/peppers, sprinkle of cheese, BOOM.

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S:  “OMG MOM!  What the hell is this?” 

The Frug: “It’s an egg cupcake”

S: “OMG! Cake batter and eggs?!  Are you crazy?

Me: *sighs* “It is NOT a cupcake. It’s eggs”

F: “It’s like a muffin”

Me: “IT IS NOT A MUFFIN! It’s eggs!”

S:OMG! I’d bite into it and my mouth would expect sweet and I’d get eggs? NO WAY!”

Me: “Maybe I should just buy Pop Tarts.”

Silent but Deadly…Sins

Went to church this morning. Hush. The focus was on temptation and sin…how we are all sinners (amen). The priest mentioned the Seven Deadly Sins:

  • Wrath
  • Greed
  • Sloth
  • Pride
  • Lust
  • Envy
  • Gluttony

Maybe it’s just me but that sounds like a nice little Tuesday.

Yes, I’m going to hell. This is NOT news.

Evocative words, yes? ssllllloooottthhhh. You can just see yourself lounging in bed. Gluttony even sounds like a mouth overflowing with chocolate. Lust?  Even sounds sexy.

Oh My God.

Epiphany.

All of my time on social media embodies the 7 Deadly Sins. Especially Pinterest. Major envy and lust whilst being slothful and gluttonous.  Facebook adds in wrath and pride and envy (and continues the sloth and gluttony).

Whoa.

Yup. Express Train to Hell. Hope there’s wifi.