Archive | November 2012

I Can’t Possibly Be Alone…

…in thinking that Brad Pitt’s Chanel No. 5 ad is so so so awkward and embarrassing. To take it a step further — as I often do — let’s discuss Brad’s look in the ad, shall we?  

Oh Brad. What happened?? We all know exactly what happened. SHE happened. She sucked all your youth and hotness out of you. Literally, I bet. *sighs*  I think he’s trying to channel his uber-hot Tristan from Legends of the Fall here.  Behold the glory of Tristan

*whimpers* TRISTAN!!!!

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes…the Chanel No. 5 ad.

So, instead of the long haired brooding tortured hotness of Tristan, I think Brad actually looks like this:

Who’s with me??? What?

Boyfriend needs a chemical peel, a tiny bit of botox, and a haircut.  And maybe some fun in his life???  Jesus, the poor guy just looks SAD.

Reposting — New Insult

Good Morning!  Day 1 of Detox. Anyone else going thru fatsugarsaltdoughalcohol withdrawals? Just me?  Fab.

Anyway, while in beautiful NePA, my nephew reminded me of “gib bag“…I had completely forgotten…reposting this gem below. Enjoy!

(Be warned, this is gross, even for my standards! Lol)

Ready? What could be worse than calling someone a douche bag? (“douche bag” is my go-to insult for when I’m driving) Side note:  not once has either of my boys ever asked “Mom, what’s a douche bag?” I wonder if they’re afraid to ask? Lol I know that 12 would be horrified and 9 would be intrigued and have many follow-up questions! 😉

Where was I?? Oh yes, what’s a nastier thing to call someone? Ready? A “giblet bag”…seriously, how foul (fowl! Ha!) is that? Giblets.  *shudders* What kind of sicko even thought of doing that? “Hey, let’s take all of this creature’s internal organs out and then stick’em in a bag, along with it’s neck, and then shove it all back in?” Poultry farmers are some sick f*cks!

Even worse? You know how disgusting the poultry industry is, right? So, there’s a very good chance, practically guaranteed, that the giblets you remove from the poor bird aren’t even its own giblets. Insult to injury, no?  (the process of removing them is disgusting…ugh…on Twitter, some gross, yet funny, guy said “it’s not ‘removing the giblets’, it’s Turkey Fisting!”  haha and eeuww)

You’re welcome for your new phrase.

*curtsies*

Where are Her Feets? lol

For today’s reading pleasure, I offer Michael K’s DListed article about Ms Simpson and her weight loss and her missing feet.

My fave parts:

 …I’m guessing that about 5 of those pounds were lost after she cut her feet off! Bitch, your jeans ate your toes.

I know some shorties wear shoe-covering boot cut jeans to make themselves look taller, but I don’t get how not having VF (visible feets) makes a ho look taller.

Personally, yes, I think Jessica is looking much better, weight-wise. Her wardrobe choices of floral peasant-looking blouse and pink jacket give me pause tho.  It’s distracting…which I suppose is her goal. lol

http://dlisted.com/2012/11/19/where-are-her-feets

Twilight Musing…

So, yeah…the last Twilight movie officially comes out tomorrow night.  Cannot believe it. Read the books in a couple of days in June of 2009…I was LTP (Late To the Party) b/c the first movie had already come out! Anyway, I think my obsession with all things Twilight and Robert Pattinson *purrs* is well-known.

So, Kristen Stewart. Was anxiously awaiting her wardrobe choices for all the promotional shenanigans surrounding the last film…and there’ve been some interesting ones. These two stand out to me…and I’ll tell you why.

The Romper:

Huh. A long sleeved “formal” romper. Who knew?  Legs for dddaaayyysss, btw.

And today’s Jumpsuit:

Hmm. It’s a little Nashville-meets-Vegas-meets-Old-Ladies-on-a-Cruise for me. And assless chaps come to mind. Whatevs. She’s gorgeous in all of it.

My question though…does she ever pee??? How does one wear a romper or a jumpsuit and go to the bathroom???? Regardless of how much money you have, we’re all in the loo squatting over the toilet at some point. And, having to unzip those things and hold them in your hand or balance it on your thighs…again, bathrooms are bathrooms and there’s grossness on the floor no matter what so you need to protect the outfit, kwim?? And then there’s the wiping and flushing and redonning the clothes…*wipes brow* yeesh.

God forbid you’ve got to poop!  Eek!

Very complex. You cannot be drunk whilst wearing a romper, kwim?? Because that could be very problematic.

I suppose these are truly First World Problems, eh?

See, this is why I prefer skirts. Bathroom break? No problemo…lift it up and GO.

Shit, my Freak Flag is FLYING tonight.

*sighs*

ZOMG

And now I’ve seen everything. “Chastity Panties for Dogs”

…could that be more squicky sounding??? I’m grossed out just typing those words!!

Have no idea how these even work…and I feel like I MUST FIND OUT. Do they just physically block another dog from sniffing? Or does it block the delightful girlydoggyparts scent??

Have to say, the dog in the photo is obviously feeling tres sassay in her Chastity Panties. Look at her face! She loves her strawberry chonies! Work it, puppy!

 

Hot Slut Of The Day!.

Hibernating

I had a procedure done at the dermo the other day and I’ve been HIDING from the world!  I had a Levulan Photo Dynamic Treatment for my actinic keratoses (precancerous lesions that usually need to be blasted off with liquid nitrogen). Here’s a link with info on it.

The great thing about PDT is that it will bring the bring all the precancerous crap to the surface and then they will peel off.  Having them removed by the dreaded liquid nitrogen has left me with white spots on my nose and chest — and my nose actually has a divot in it!  So so so preTTy!  Anyway, the PDT is better cosmetically and it gets attacks the ones that I can’t even see yet. As a bonus, it helps improve the skin’s tone and texture and stimulates collagen. And, being ever frugal, this procedure is covered by insurance at 100%!  WIN!

However…sigh…I look a LOT worse than I expected. They said that I would be red and maybe a bit swollen, similar to a sunburn. Hmm. Not exactly. It’s a really good thing I’m not vain.

Oh wait. I am! lol and *sigh*

I’m day 4 today…and I don’t look as bad as this guy but it’s close:

My chin is the worst for some bizarre reason and it’s just starting to peel. I’m still hopeful that I will look fantastic and be pre cancer-free…

*fingers crossed*

Calling Bullshit Here

Okay, you know I think any and all celebs who tout their virginity and are over 18 are completely full of shit, right?  Now, Tim Tebow. Come ON. NFL star and virgin??? Please. Anyway, he’s dating Camilla Belle, gorgeous actress, age 26, and a virgin??  Really???  Ooookkkaaaayyy. Maybe I’m just a cynical bitch but…

I mean, look at her…not a virginal outfit there, Camilla…plus, she has what I like to call “knowing whore eyes“…not the eyes of a virgin there, missy.   She’s seen some stuff, kwim?  And Tim?  Well, in that outfit?  Maybe he is a virgin. What the hell do I know?
Here’s the article about their virginal romance if you care for a laugh…

*Sighs*

Going on a week without Internet/cable. And I’m seeing THIS kind of stuff in the stores:

20121105-091701.jpg

I just feel like every day from now until January 2nd is a panic attack waiting to happen.

*sighs*