Archive | June 2012

Parenting W-I-N

(with thanks to LMac for reminding me, via a FB post, about this topic)

Sarcasmo. Sweet, gentle, quiet, giant that he is. My firstborn. My angel. *snorts*  Everything I do is wrong these days. Cooking. Cleaning. Being. All wrong. Apparently this is a normal stage of development?  Harrumph.

Anyway, he’s become particular about his clothes these days. “OMG MOM! I can’t wear this!  It’s WRINKLED!” God forbid the basketball shorts and tee shirt that you’re wearing to play XBOX in would be wrinkled. *rolls eyes*  And his clothes are “itchy” and “not soft” and “covered in dog hair.” (perhaps if you would put your clothes in your drawers instead of throwing them on the floor they wouldn’t have dog hair on them?!?!?!)

Anyway. He’s decided to do his own laundry and I couldn’t be happier. I got him his own laundry basket, detergent (“OMG! I hate the way the clothes smell!“), fabric softener (since his delicate teenage hide can’t abide by “itchy” clothes), and dryer sheets.  He’s been doing his own laundry for a week or so. *purrs*

What? Am I a Bad Mom having him do his own laundry?? NO! It’s a Life Skill. He’ll be going to college (please God!) in a few years and everyone needs to know how to do this! Selfishly, this cuts down on my chores a tad AND eliminates at least a few minutes of teenage complaining. Priceless.

Jessica is Back at the Gym Again (TG)

 

 

Yup, I’m going to enjoy watching this “transformation“…they say she gained 60 lbs. Please. I find that hard to believe. I bet it was closer to 80. I gained 40 with Sarcasmo and was back in my normal regular clothes and oh-so-close to my pre-pregnancy weight after 6 weeks. I’m looking at Jessica and thinking it’s going to be at least a year until she is thin again. This is a cautionary tale, people! Don’t eat buttered pop tarts and other senseless crap while pregnant!

X17 Online – Celebrity News | Celebrity Gossip | Celebrity Photos & Pics | Paparazzi Photos of Hollywood Celebs.

Open Letter to Otis

Dearest Darling Dog,

I realize it’s raining. The grass is wet. You are a fragile house dog who doesn’t like getting his delicate paws wet.  *snorts*

You seem to think the rain somehow gives you a pass to POOP ON THE DECK!!!

What the hell??!?!!!

You’re 105 lbs of hulking dog! You are a LABRADOR RETRIEVER!! ! A WATER DOG. Your ancestors worked alongside fisherman in the freezing waters off of Newfoundland!! You can’t get your paws wet??

“But MOM! The grass and water squish in between my paw pads and it squicks me out!

Do NOT poop on the deck. That is an order.

That is all.

Love,

Mom

Jada Pinkett Smith Only Eats Food For Fuel

 

Soooo, Jada only see food as fuel?? I guess if you want cheekbones that look like that ^^ you have to see it that way. Hmm. Don’t think I want cheekbones that look like hers. At all.  They’re a little frightening, doncha think?

She needs to turn in her woman card. A) What self-respecting woman sees food merely as fuel??  Hello? It’s rewards and punishment and comfort and love! Everyone knows that! and B) She has to turn in that woman card b/c girlfriend does NOT look very feminine, despite that long hair. Am I right??

 

Jada Pinkett Smith Only Eats Food For Fuel.

Lainey’s Entertainment Update – Celebrity Gossip | Article Detail

Okay, just read this article on LaineyGossip. She’s talking about a new procedure called “double blasts” – back to back microderm and cold laser…supposed to tighten skin, increase collagen, shrink pores, make your skin glowy. Has anyone heard of this??????

Here’s a link to the website http://wskincare.ca/

Lainey’s Entertainment Update – Celebrity Gossip | Article Detail.

OMG MILEY!

Miley Miley Miley. 19 years old and just got engaged to an actor. I smell a long life together! *snorts*

Now, that Liam kid is quite a cutie. And she’s been slightly “tamer” of late…well, minus the penis birthday cake and naming her puppy “Mary Jane“…

*rolls eyes*

Anyway.

Since I think it’s important for my boys to be up on celeb gossip, I let them know the terrific news! (this entire post is written in Sarcasm Font, just to be clear)

10: Disney actors don’t get married. They just date someone and dump them in 6 months.

Me: *nodding*

10: So, is she in college?

Me: No.

10: Helllllloooo Bartending!

Sarcasmo really summed it up well:

Sarcasmo: She’s an idiot.

‘Nuff said.

10’s Happy Place

So, 10 has some anxiety issues – I think I’ve posted here before. (have no idea where he get this from *side eyes my entire gene pool*) His new therapist has been doing some interesting things with him. His favorite is that she gives him a glass container of colored sand. He writes the worry with the sand and then gets to VACUUM it away. Perfect for him, right? lol

The other day, she had him draw his Happy Place. This is something we’ve tried to talk to him about before. The Happy Place. Anyway, I checked out his drawing. He has fine motor skill issues so it’s a little difficult to tell what the heck some of the stuff is!

Me: Tell me all about your drawing!  Are those lounge chairs?

10: Yes, we are at a fancy resort.

Me: Cool. Who’s this?

10: That’s me…and that is Selena Gomez.

Me: *eyebrow in the air* Oh, that’s nice. I how the two of you are facing each other.  *eyebrow remains in the air*  And who is this standing up?

10:  Oh, that’s my butler. He’s bringing us frozen drinks.

Me: Perfect.

10: Yeah, you and Dad aren’t there but you prepaid the butler a million dollars so I’m all set for a few years.

Me: Perfect. *rolls eyes*

Not a bad little Happy Place, eh? Sunshine, lounging on a beach chair, frozen libations…prepaid butler service. I like aaaalllll of that. 10 has good taste in Happy Places. Heck, I don’t even mind that Selena Gomez girl. I’d swap her out for Rob but other than that, he’s drawn MY Happy Place!