Archive | August 2010

Spotted–a Sea Hag and her family

It’s been a quiet week…hadn’t spotted and Hags o’the Sea til today! But it was a rare sighting…she wasn’t in her usual habitat (bar)…she was on the beach! She was a perfect specimen. Platinum blonde straw-like strands. Skin tanned over the years to luggage color and texture…Bikini. Skinny-fat due to diet of cigarettes and Natty Bo Light. Neon pink acrylic mails. Gold jewelry (ankle bracelet too, natch). Loud raspy voice due to the cigs. Textbook Sea Hag.

What made this sighting extra special was seeing her with her spawn. We need a name for a Sea Hag to-be. This woman’s daughter is well on her way. She had all the pre-Hag qualities (too tan, skanky ass bathing suit) but also had the personality of a rattlesnake, from what I, and the other onlookers, could tell. She was screeching at her very cute toddler…well, screeching interspersed with growling thru gritted teeth…the child didn’t want sunscreen on (imagine that? *rolls eyes*) and he was struggling to get away from her (the dad was probably right there with him, kwim? Lol) Anyway, it was quite a scene. And she ended up spanking the kid right there on the beach! It was only a quick 2 smack thing but was it was very telling, kwim? Ugh. I guess she’s less of a Sea Hag to be than just a bit WT?? *sighs*

In any event, it was a sight. You never know what you’ll see on the beach. It’s usually not good tho! And the Sea Hag family wasn’t pretty.

The answer is 7

Actually, the answer could be 8. Another answer that will be accepted is “too many.”

The question? “How many glasses of wine did Kelly drink last night?”

*sighs*

It was so much fun that today’s pain is almost worth it! Le Frug and I went to the Starboard in Dewey Beach to see my fav beach band “Lauralea and Tripp Fabulous”…they play all the good fun songs that have you singing the lyrics and bouncing up and down with joy! Hee hee It makes me feel young and wild and free. And I may have a teeny crush on the guitar player 

Sadly, mama is paying the price today with a headache that advil and diet coke cannot kill. I’m thinking I need grease?? Maybe some Thrasher’s fries? *drools*

No hair of the dog for me though!!

Beachy beachy

Another stormy/cloudy day. Which leads me to my new adage – “A cloudy beach day keeps the Sea Hag at bay”

Sadly tho, no sun means I am *gasps* wearing makeup at the beach!!! Wah!!!! The tanorexic in me will never die. *sighs*

Oh Frug, what can I do with you?

You will NOT believe the Frug’s latest transgression!

I have been a teeny tiny bit bitchy the past few days. I may not bleed more than a drop or 2 each month BUT I do get the rest of the fun PMS symptoms like sore boobs and general evil.

The following took place at around 5pm today:

Me: “So, it probably won’t surprise you that I just got my period.”

Frug: *looks thoughtful* “Does that mean the bloating will get better or worse?”

Me: *death glare*

Frug: “What?”

Almost 13 years of marriage and close to 17 years together. Surely that’s enough time to clue in and not say dickish things, right???

Waxing Wonder and Woes

I had a Brazilian by an actual Brazilian!! I was supposed to see my usual person but got a call that she was out of town and Mariana would be taking the appt or I could reschedule. Given the yeti-like lady business I was sporting, I took the sub! Imagine my joy when she turned out to be an actual Brazilian person! Sadly, she did not look like Gisele 😉

It seems that different waxers have different techniques/use different wax, etc. This one uses “hard wax” all over the “area.” My regular person uses the typical wax that is spread on, cloth rubbed over it, then RIP. Hard wax is left on to harden/dry and then yanked off without a cloth strip thingy. She said it’s good for short, coarse hair…

The woman was thorough.. ’nuff said. Ahem.

Well, later in the day, I went tp my usual Mani/pedi place for the final parts of my Cougar Maintenance. I had left the underarms grow for about 5 days (cannot stand that feeling PLUS I have armpit issues) and that’s all I could take of it…I didn’t want to pay the expert person (at the fancy salon for equally fancy prices – see how frugal I am?) for mere armpits, kwim? They shouldn’t be difficult, right? Well, this is ME, so of course things don’t go smoothly. (punny) The hair wasn’t long enough (coulda fooled me-I was horrified by it!) so it didn’t all come off…so she started TWEEZING it. Sweet Baby Jesus. I think the next time the Frug makes a snotty comment about PMS puffiness I will tweeze his freaking underarm hair. It was slow torture. Ugh. I had to stop her after a bit. Just too much pain. And that’s saying something since I had just had the hair ripped outta my hoohah, kwim??

Later that day, I realize just how much pit hair is left. Too much. *sighs* I went out and bought the NADS hard wax. Btw, nads? Really?? Where the hell did they come up with that name? Nads = gonads = balls…not the obvious choice for a wax company…

Long story long…it was easy to use and it worked to get the rest of the underarm hair off! And, it was oddly satisfying. Like the joy I get out of using a Biore strip and seeing all those blackheads on it!! 😉