Cannot believe I haven’t shared my thoughts on New Moon! Damn real life gets in the way of all my fun! LOL
So, met Kelly (friend from HS and college who I haven’t seen in about 11 years!) for the 9:40am show on 11/20. Also saw Tanya, Colleen, Sherri, Iliana (think I butchered her name!), and others…they had a huge group! Anyway, the movie. Haven’t ever EVER been so excited for a movie! Had you noticed I was fired up? Btw, I was wearing a CUTE New Moon shirt! (Why can’t I figure out how to make this image larger?? sigh) Not to be a bitch but this shirt looks way cuter on me 😉
Very subtle. Long sleeved black tee with the clock tower from the Volterra reunion scene. Wore it to NY. Ashley was horrified that I was wearing a New Moon shirt! LOL Not ‘NY cool’ at.all. >;-)
Naturally, I loved New Moon. I laughed, I cried. I thought Kristen Stewart really killed it (in a good way!) and just nailed Bella’s depression. I think people have issues with her protrayal of Bella b/c they want to see some over-the-top screaming/crying/drama all the time…but Bella is very introverted and doesn’t act like that, kwim? But, KStew really looked DEAD inside. Perfect. And that song ‘Possibility’ was perfect with it. I was getting annoyed with Bella for really really getting so chummy w/Jake. Yeesh. Whore! LOL
Edward. NOT ENOUGH EDWARD. Granted, we got more Edward than the book, but still not enough. Never enough. The apparitions were done well. But, need more of my man on the screen, damnit! This is an issue I have with the Twilight movie too…both movies…they don’t show enough of Edward and Bella and their relationship. And the long looks, the stroking..the kisses on her jawline..her ears…the ones that make her pretty much faint…In the Twilight movie, basically, they kiss once then it’s Vampire Baseball and James nearly killing her. Edward doesn’t even say ‘I Love You’ in the Twilight movie (but in the book he says it all the time)…in New Moon, it pretty much opens on her bday and then he breaks up w/her. If people only see the movies they will totally be Team Jacob b/c you never get to see the real meat of the Edward/Bella bond. Oh, did anyone else notice my man Robert Pattinson looks so much more manly in this movie? Maybe b/c he lost the gay gray pea coat? But anyway, his face just looked much more masculine. Yum. And, they didn’t use too much makeup on him this time either. Thank goodness. Oh, and the scene w/him taking his shirt off? I read that they airbrushed his abs on. Not that I care. But. more importantly, his freaking pants were pretty much OFF…and I guess vampires do not wear undies? Not that I’m complaining but one more centimeter and we would have seen something super fun sparkling! 😉
Jacob. I am obviously NOT on his team! I read the books. I usually skip the wolf crap b/c it gets in the way of my Edward fantasies. Now, if I had only seen the movie New Moon, and not read the book, I would def. be on Team Jacob. Taylor Lautner did a great job. And, no, I am not talking about his abs. I hate body builder abs. I hate guys who spend more time on their appearance than I do! Anyway, his relationship w/Bella, as shown in the movie, was so warm and sweet and caring…so exactly what she needed. Bella was all over him too. Always snuggling close to him…even when he was just working on the motorcycles. No wonder the poor guy was so besotted by her! In the book, I def. didn’t see her being so huggy w/him. Oh, the jorts? (jean shorts?) ICK. Body builder guys in jorts? So ICKY!!! eeuuww.
Wolf Pack. Loved them. So cute and puppy-like. When Jake and Paul are fighting, it made me miss my dog! LOL But, the wolves really lightened things up and I like the cgi stuff. In the books, I never envisioned them being that huge. They were @()$&@ HUGE! That Victoria better run and FAST!
Emily and Sam. Loved the two of them. You could see the love. Which I wish they could have done more of that with Edward/Bella. Oh, and back to Emily. She’s the like den mother for this pack of wolves. And, that’s part of why I couldn’t ever be on Team Jacob. I didn’t want Bella to end up like Emily. Cooking nonstop for a bunch of furry frat boys. UGH. Can you imagine the stench? Yeesh.
ALICE. I love Alice. She’s my fav vampire. Ashley Greene looked gorgeous. Especially in the Italy scenes. She also got to deliver some funny anti-wolf lines. LOVE. Oh, and I also loved that Bella emails Alice and it gives a way for her to do voice overs w/out being totally contrived and annoying. But, it also contributes to the SAD. Her best friend changed her email address? No wonder she had to resort to spending time w/dogs.
Cullens? Need more Cullens. Rosalie and Jasper looked really really weird though. They need to figure out their wigs, pronto. (worries me that Eclipse has already wrapped…what if their wigs look even worse than they do in New Moon?) I do heart Carlisle tho. I love PFach in real life too. I love that he’s married to Jennie Garth who is forever Kelly Taylor to me! She got to do Dylan AND Brandon! And dump both of their sorry asses with the ‘I Choose Me’ episode. Yes, I was on Team Kelly, NOT Team Brenda! Surprised? 😉
Italy reunion. Love. I wanted more talk though. The movie really quickly gets them back together and again, it’s not enough for people to get why they are together and why she takes him back so easily. Which also killed me in the book. Dude tells you he doesn’t want you/doesn’t love you, leaves you in the woods and even takes all your stuff that would be a reminder, takes your best friend too? Is gone for 6 months without 1 word…even though I am not into confrontations, Edward should have had to work harder at getting her back. Esp. in the movie where Jacob looks like Mr. Wonderful compared to the mean, cold vampire who cruelly dumps Bella basically on her bday. (I read a fanfiction called ‘My Yes/My No’ that goes into all the stuff Bella could have/should have gotten into with Edward when they reunited. All the tough questions..more than ‘oh, I lied. So sorry’ and BAM back together. Oh, and some sexy stuff too! lol)
Volturi. Loved Jane. Need more and more JANE! Aro, Caius, Marcus? Meh. They all seemed sort of gay to me. Their hair sucked. I don’t know what I envisioned for their ‘look’ but it wasn’t little gay pageboys. Felix and Demetri? YES! I liked the fight scenes. Poor Edward got the crap beaten out of him but he deserved it for hurting Bella! 😉
Charlie. Loved him. Billy Burke is awesome. Lots of little smiles/smirks and caring looks. Very introverted yet worried Dad stuff.
Mike/Jessica/Angela/other random humans. All love. Especially Jessica. Which is odd b/c I love Angela from the books and HATE Jessica! I don’t understand how they just let her be all depressed like that for so long? My girls would never let that happen to me! And I am a professional wallower! 😉
I have actually only seen the movie ONE TIME! Can you believe it? But, from what I have read about the box office, New Moon seems to be doing just fine without me! LOL 😉 So, those are my thoughts for now. I reserve the right to update this!
…and if I don’t get one of these
I am going to throw a toddler-esque tantrum! I do heart amazon.com. (oh, they are available with the wolf-who-shall-not-be-named as well) You know, I should just order this myself. Cannot imagine Santa Frug buying me this…harrumph. Click here to order your EDWARD stocking!
This is from the NYPost and Lainey. LOVE the way it’s written. LOL.
So, this is the long awaited PART 2 of Saturday in NYC. I believe I left off as I was stumbling down the streets of NY, shouting the word VAGINA? Apparently, I was also gyrating and making lewd gestures…humiliating Ashley, the uber-cool Manhattanite. What are relatives for?
So, we are all working our looks…Robin, working the blonde glamazon thing…Ashley, raven haired fiesty-hip pixie…me, the classic Old Whore…went back in the Bowery Hotel lounge area…they have tables with ‘bottle service’…you know, buy a bottle of vodka for $500 and get to hang in the cool area…such a non-Frug-approved thing! 😉 We went back to the side bar for a bit…then, Ash then scoped out a table in the cool area with only 1 or 2 guys at it…they were happy to have us hang but the bouncer types nixed it! Can you believe it? Hmph. And, so we’re hanging out with our $20 drinks and a very nice bouncer guy (not a burly I-will-kick-your-ass type) w/adorable horn rimmed glasses came over…he apologized profusely but asked us to basically get back into the riff-raff room! (side bar) He did say he would come get out out of the riff-raff room when the hubbub died down a bit…I *know* it was b/c Rob was there, somewhere…there was a bit of a buzz in the air. Someone said Keifer Sutherland was there too. Did I see him? Of course not. I am apparently celeb-repellant. Walked out onto the patio area (where Rob would be hanging out, smoking…and making it look sexy and cool somehow…le sigh)…didn’t see him…such a TEASE. The media I was reading later gave conflicting reports. Some said he was there later (we stayed til 1:03am) and some said he was on the upper west side, with Kristen Stewart…Regardless…I *know* he and I were hanging out at the Bowery, separate, yet still together in spirit! 😉
So, during my stalking time, there were some things to keep my mind off of my RPattz-less-ness. One guy came over w/his buddies…his intro ‘hey, one of the best things about me is that I like to buy girls drinks’…well, okay then! Have at it! His other line? Something about ‘one of the best things about me is that I’m tall’ Okay. Never bothered to get his name b/c honestly, who cares, kwim? Robin was busy thinking about ‘Wrench’ and Ash was getting constant texts from her ex-current-future-fiance-stalker-killer. Which left me to entertain the drink buyers. Which was fine. I really love being married. I can talk to anyone. No pressure, kwim? The other guy gave us 3-4 different names. I resorted to just calling him ‘Pleather’ b/c his jacket was ‘green’ and pleather. Tall guy, just called him ‘Tall’…Tall was a character. He asked me a question that was so vulgar that it left me speechless. ME?! Can you believe it? I cannot even repeat it here! Finished up there w/a round of disgusting gingery nasty shots. UGH. Oh, and when we got back to the hotel, Ashley and I decided hot dogs from a street vendor were a terrific idea. UGH. No hangover for me though. Maybe that’s a preventative?
So, sadly, despite some decent stalking, no Rob sighting. And, even if I did see him, he would have been w/KStew, which is cool I suppose. It did make me come up w/a new mental scenario though…it’s me with Rob…and I am wearing Kristen’s shoes. Whoregasm.
Even though I am so over him…you gotta admit he is aging so much better than his buddy, Brad Pitt aka the gray braided beard guy…
Top Things that Irritate Me (well, just in the last 4 days or so)
- Nursing Homes. My MIL Edna lives in an amazing place. Looks like a castle, overlooking Hunt Valley, MD. No urine odor AT ALL. Amazing. However, it’s still so overpoweringly depressing. I walk out wanting to scrub the old off of me. The ones who are in the dementia ward are almost lucky. They are oblivious to the hellishness of aging. The others know…and they hate it…
- Wegman’s. I KNOW! How can Wegman’s be on my shit list?! Well, we went to visit Edna (see #1) and didn’t want to subject ourselves to the pureed hell that the residents eat. We thought, ‘let’s stop at Wegman’s and get something yummy from the hot food bar?’ Great idea, right? Harrumph. @)$(& Wegman’s hot foods bars were NOT OPEN b/c of Thanksgiving! WTF? WHy? What about the poor people who don’t have a nice family Tgiving dinner to go to?? Anyway, we ended up using their tiny microwave to nuke pizzas and poor Pedro had Uncrustables PBJs 😉 (now that I think about it…still waaayy better than pureed turkey!)
- Dry Air. Hotel rooms are so DRY…I can feel my sinuses dehydrating the second we walk in. Ugh.
- Hotels (see Dry Air above). Skin shrivels and dries up upon entry too. I foolishly decide to scrub face w/scratchy hotel washcloth…red scales…rough dry patches. Gorgeous.
- Men. Specifically men who eat too much turkey and lasagna (or baked ziti and sausages from Brooklyn) and drink 100 beers. Men who then pass out in the hotel room at 9pm and proceed to shake the entire hotel with their snores. And, don’t get me started on the horrors that occur in the bathroom. Add to Hotel Bitch in #4…why can’t I get a hotel room w/2 bathrooms? The Frug and the boys can abuse the one and I can have the floral scented pristine other for myself?
- The State of Pennsylvania. The highways, the people (excluding my friends and relatives, of course), the weather, the cars…why is it that the roads change the moment we cross from MD in PA? From asphalt to concrete…cracked and potholed. And why is PA seemingly one giant TRUCK ROUTE? The trucks are everywhere. Either barreling down the mountains going 90 MPH or crawling UP the mountains going about 30…dropping their cargo into the road. Why is everyone FAT? Why does everyone dress like a damn lumberjack? You know the tourists (from NY and NJ) by their clothing – the bedazzled designer outfits (from the tax-free shopping!) and their loud, hideous accents. The weather? Ugh. Again, we cross into PA and the sun disappears for days. It’s gray, threatening to rain or hail or snow or SOMETHING. You don’t even know what to expect. Left MD in 50 degree, clear weather. Crossed into PA and the temp dropped 10 degrees. By Harrisburg, it was sleeting. UGH. And, why are all cars covered in salt and mud, no matter what season it is? Are there no car washes in PA? Or do people just not care??
- Public Restooms. I know, I know, I have already covered this. But, c’mon! I now just love (cue eye roll and evil sarcasm) the automatic soap dispensers that do NOT dispense the soap unless you actually touch the germ-ridden container. NOT AUTOMATIC! And the hand dryers that do NOT dry your hands AT ALL. And they are emblazoned with cute phrases like ‘for your convenience’ and ‘better for the environment’ and other lies.
- Gas Stations. The ones with pumps that make you stand there holding the nozzle thingy instead of having the device that keeps it pumping without you standing there in the (@&$IY sleet. And, the gas stations that make you ‘pay inside’ even if you are using a credit card. For my convenience, I imagine. grrr.
- Farting and burping little boys. In a sealed car. For 5 hours.
- Judgey Elderly Aunts. Yes, “Aunt Sage”, this is you. Love ya but give me a (@&$ break. I had chipped nail polish. Cue eyebrow in the AIR. Peter wasn’t wearing a parka. Cue pursed lips. Garrett didn’t eat his mashed potatoes. Cue clucking and sucking in of lips.
- Diabetic Auntie (yes, same as Judgey above). She cannot have sugar. So, she is perpetually forcing sugar on the rest of us. “Oh, have a bag of donuts to-go”…”Oh, let’s go to Gertrude Hawk – the boys can get some Smidgens”…and then she’ll give me a bag of Oreos, Cakesters, Chunky, Chips Ahoy, etc. ‘for the car’…gee, thanks.
- Nieces Who Bail on Thanksgiving in w/me. Juliana, Emily?? Harrumph. Stacey is my official favorite. (and Ashley, you are always an angel!)
That’s all for now. Mama needs a nap. And perhaps a little of my good pink juice.
So, we did our ‘spa’ thing for hours on Sat. then shopped. My phone died so I wasn’t able to check my celeb crap all day. Killed me 😉 But, I was pretty sure that Mr. Pattinson was already gone so it was tolerable. AND, not being able to be reached by the Cling-Ons that I gave birth to was a major bonus. Anyway, ended up back at the Not Soho and used my new $12 sketchy-bought-from-street-vendor charger. Checked out radaronline (one of the 72 places I go for up-to-the-minute gossip) and I find out RPATTZ is STILL IN NYC. Holy crap! Time for scheming! LOL
We decide on Thai food (lower east side – called Sea I think??)…Not happy w/my outfit sadly. Grey mini dress (cute – Michael Stars bought thru RueLaLa — Bargain baby!) with tights and black shooties (shoe/booties)…it just wasn’t quite right…you know those times when you have things that are fine individually but just won’t work all together?…and since i was so frugal while shopping I had no other options…grumble…hair marginal…face flushed from saunas…eyes bloodshot from last night’s alcohol consumption and lack of sleep. I threw back THREE champagne cocktails (called Strawberry Mojos b/c of the yummy strawberry puree in them!) while dissecting my entree. Over dindin we discussed our potential destinations…I read that RPattz was possibly staying at the Bowery Hotel. They have a fun ‘lounge’ there so we decided to check it out after dinner. Tried to come up with a code word in case we spotted him. OHMYGODITSROBERTPATTINSON was really just not going to work, kwim? Ash and Robin were coming up with terrible code words like ‘Sparkle’ and ‘Vampire’…jesus, may as well just say OHMYGODITSROBERTPATTINSON, kwim?
So, the Bowery Hotel…so cool. Very cozy, shabby-chic…but British and hunt country too…make any sense? We walked right in…which, from what I have since read, is unusual b/c there are parts of it that are ‘hotel guests only’. Settle in for cocktails in the back bar area. Had my first of THREE champagnes. Only $22/glass, not bad right?! haha Welcome to Manhattan, bitches!! Sat in a comfy couch w/the girls and chilled. A Seth Green-looking guy came over to chat us up. So cute and funny. He was drinking an absinthe cocktail and a coke and carried a Glen-something bottle of scotch. Set for the night, right? He seemed to like Ash and bonded w/her with the acting thing. But, we dismissed him quickly…not there for the Seth Greens of the world, kwim? After about an hour, we realized my man wasn’t there. Moved on to the next spot.
The B Bar…right across the street. Hung out and had a yummy sangria. Amazingly I was still able to stand up at this point. Moved onto a latte tho…Ash & Robin ordered triple espressos…with butter? Seriously, the coffee came w/butter. Bartender thought it was white chocolate but she was very very wrong! lol Quick comment on the bathroom there (after god-knows-how-many-drinks I was in there a number of times!)…it had an Attendant. I HATE that. I am fully capable of getting my own soap…and turning the water on…and getting a paper towel. And, I don’t want to have to tip someone in the bathroom. Do not want to linger in there..fumbling w/dollar bills, etc. It’s just uncomfortable. And, you also don’t want to be the bitch who doesn’t tip…it’s just bad all around.
So, at this point, Robin and I decide we really liked the Bowery Hotel bar and want to go back. Ash thought it was pretentious. (for the record, it sort of was, but I liked it!) My lovely niece thinks going to a drag queen bar would be better. WTF??? Don’t get me wrong, I love drag queens. I have been to the Drag Queen races in DC. Sometimes, with a bad eyebrow dye job, I even LOOK like a drag queen. I am down with them. We manage to veto her (2 against 1 but she is a fiesty domineering bitch sometimes! lol and so so not kidding)…
Cue me semi-stumbling in the street and laughing and talking loudly about Rob. Like, what would I do if I saw him? What would I say? Would I say anything? What if he really looks like a 23 year old baby? Like, what if I see him and POOF my panties fly off? What if I trip and fall and my tongue accidentally goes done his throat? Don’t recall much more…other than me yelling the word VAGINA and cackling. Repeatedly.
(have decided to make this into 2 posts b/c it’s gotten impossibly long!)
Sorry! See Part II in a bit, okay????
So, I have detailed what I wore. Jeans/cute top…dress/heels…Robin had similar stuff on. But she is 5’10’ and all legs (“I can’t find jeans that are long enough!” b*tch!) and big boobs and glam. I looked like Troll Whore Barbie next to her.
Anyway, Miss Ashley wore leggings all weekend. Leggings and shooties. Leggings and boots.
Day/night. Different ones, thank God. But, leggings nonetheless. I have weird ’80s flashbacks w/leggings. Make me want to do BIG bad things to my bangs (and spray them with the rock hard Sebastian hair spray – the smell of that stuff brings me way back)
and put bright blue eyeliner inside the rims of my eyes and clump on the matching mascara. Gorg!
- Leggings also make me think of Tina and Hope. “What are you wearing?” “Leggings and a sweater!” “Cute but casual!”
Ash looks cute in them and most of the girlies in the under 30 crowd were wearing them with FMe pumps or shooties. Can’t pull the leggings look off anymore. And really don’t want to!! Would feel like I was going to the gym (shudder! lol)…or make me all worried about having camel toe, kwim? Oh, here’s a link to a ‘fix’ for the dreaded camel toe. It’s called the ‘Cuchini’…it’ll be a lovely stocking stuffer this year, doncha think?