Shopping with the Frug

We have a new monthly “date.” The Frug and I shop together at COSTCO once a month. Exciting, right? Sexy! In an attempt to corral my spending, the Frug decided that we should try this whole “buying in bulk” thing. We’ve had a Costco membership in the past but when I would go, I would see shiny things that I had to have, list be damned! And, they sell clothes there!

Anyway, that is NOT how the Frug shops. There is not just a list, it’s a mega list, printed, pruned, agonized over. I do not participate. I just say “hey, make sure we have eggs on the list.” Not that I don’t use lists. I do. I make a grocery list and then leave it in the car. Or, I have my list and then I sort of get bored by it in the store and just buy whatever looks good. You can see how I am a threat to the Frug’s sanity.

Once in the store, the price comparisons start. Kirkland brand versus name brand. Cost of Diet Pepsi versus Diet Coke (not that that matters! Diet Coke FOREVER!). Cost per gallon for milk compared to regular grocery stores. Shoot. Me. Here he is in all his frugal glory:frugcostco

I think he was pricing out white tube socks. *sighs*

The “process” takes about 90 minutes. It’s excruciating. I dislike shopping with others. I like to be solo. Flying the thru store, grabbing what I need, and what I don’t. No one asking “Cow, how much is a 24 pack of AA batteries at Target?” (the hell if I know!) No one asking “How many chicken tenders do the kids eat per week?” Um, what?

At the end, we have the “Do we or Don’t we?” over the hot dog and soda combo. It’s like a dollar for a hot dog and soda. BUT, they’ve changed from DC to DP. So no. No deal is worth drinking Diet Pepsi in a damn warehouse after 90 minutes of spreadsheets and cost comparisons. Nope. It crushes the Frug to pass up such a bargain. lol

Happy Frugmas!

 

How’s Your Brow Game?

I have been way off my brow game this past year. Went cheap and paid the price later. Was getting a pedi and asked for a spur-of-the-moment brow wax. Just a cleanup. What could go wrong??? *sighs*  I like my brows to be full, defined, yet clean. Welp, I ended up sparse and tadpole-ish. I waited months for them to grow in. MONTHS. Fun fact: brows eventually give up on you. I used to have to get them waxed monthly. Now it’s been 5 months and I could still wait. It’s scary. I just have blonde tumbleweeds underneath and between the brows. Oh-so-pretty.

Pick your brow shape and stick with it. Don’t go trendy. Growing up with Brooke Shields and her fantastic full brows was a Godsend for a wooly-browed Irish lass like me. All I needed to fix was going from one brow to two. Easy peasy. I blame all the 90s skinny brow chicks for my later trauma. (Gwynnie, Jen, Gwen Stefani, etc) How are brows trendy?? This year, big bushy ones are in. Cara Delevingne, Lily Collins. Next year it’ll be that bleached nonsense or back to super-skinny. I am DONE messing with my brow shape.

Sadly, not only are mine now refusing to grow back, they are gray in areas. *shrieks* Insult to injury, amigas.

Today I got brave and went to the Benefit Brow Bar at Ulta. A lovely young woman named Ena tinted and waxed the brows!  It cost just $32 for this — it’s about $50 at the fancy place in Georgetown I used to splurge on. (plus parking, gas getting there, etc) #alwaysfrugal. It’s hard to tell from this photo because I have a lamp next to the computer that’s making one side look lighter than the other. They are both a light-medium brown. I like to have a good contrast between the brows and the hair on my head!  Also, ignore the weird scar I have on that side too. #scarface Overall, I’m pleased. She was quick and efficient and not too chatty

.Photo on 12-4-14 at 7.03 PM

 

I did, naturally, find some new products to test. Both promise to not just add color to the brows, but volume too!

Maybelline Brow Drama (love that name!)

Blinc Brow Mousse

I like the look of the Maybelline one. The brush looks interesting AND it’s $8 versus $24 for the Blinc! #soveryfrugal

Another cool item that I am going to try the hell out of is a wax brow stick from NYX. It’s supposed to be able to tame the outer edges of my brows that like to stick up and make me look (more) evil. It’s also only around $8 so…mine mine mine!

That’s all for now. If you have any brow tips, leave comments!

 

A F*ck Me Day…

Well, it’s been a while but today is definitely a Fuck Me Day. Started off the morning cold and rainy. It was supposed to be a “wintry mix” but luckily it was too warm for that. By “too warm” I mean 39°. *scowl* I had to help Pedro deal with his disgusting awful dripping nose so I was covered in snot by 7am. Dropped him off at school and then got a text from Sarcasmo that he had forgotten his backpack (HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?) so I did some helicopter parenting over to his school. Took me one hour round-trip (maybe 5 miles total) because people in DC just simply cannot drive if there’s any sort of precipitation!!  aahhh

Came home and showered and got ready for my annual date with the gyno. *twirls* BEST!  (click here to read my deep thoughts on dates with gynos) Now, it was very interesting today, as opposed to merely terrifying and mildly uncomfortable.  We talked about cock rings and various vibrators – While. She. Was. In. Me.  93740275 shades of awkward. A friend on Twitter suggested that this would be a great podcast — “Talking Sex Toys with my Gyno” Hmm. Like “Coffee Talk” but with my vagina. And sex toys. And a gyno.

Anyway.

Decided to cleanse my palette by going to the mall and browsing. Only browsing, of course. #frugal When I was leaving, I put my parking ticket in the automated pay thingy and yahoo! Ticket jam! 10 minutes of sitting there with angry people behind me. Fantastic. I decided to try to reverse karma so I gave a homeless person standing in the rain on the median some money.

Maybe that will turn my day around? We shall see.

Don’t Look Now — I’m HAPPY!

I know, I know. Who has hacked my blog?!?!

Kind of a weird feeling. I am having the BEST Thanksgiving Weekend! We went up to Baltimore to my SIL’s for dinner and so much wine on Thursday. The Frug made sure we were the first to arrive and the last (of the family) to leave. He is Mr. Social, after all. We stayed in a hotel in the Inner Harbor and “enjoyed” the dry-hotel-air-snoring-post-turkey-and-lasagna-flatulence night. Woke up and had a greasy diner breakfast and drove home.

That’s it.

No trekking to the mountains of NE PA. No quick trip to Phillie. Just came home. Whoa. It felt so fffrrreeeee. I grinned the entire drive home from Baltimore. No traffic. No time table. No obligations. Nada.

In years past, today we would have been fighting the dreaded Sunday-after-Thanksgiving traffic. Worst/busiest travel day of the year. Nope, not this year. I am still scarred by the 8 hour journey we made a few years ago. (it was 8 instead of 5 due to, what else? A truck accident. GET OFF MY ROADS,  TRUCKS!)

Instead, today I spent the day decorating the house for Christmas whilst the Frug and Sarcasmo screamed their lungs out at the Ravens game. (And, funnily enough, THEY got to enjoy the post-holiday traffic! Poor Sarcasmo got a baptism by fire today!) Poor Pedro has a nasty (read: juicy) cold and was very quiet and low key. God love a sick kid! Woot. haha

So, next up is ordering the stupid Xmas cards (Dear Baby Jesus, please help me find even ONE photo with Sarcasmo semi-smiling or at least not doing his smug sneer) and then the tree! If things go as smoothly as this weekend has, it will be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

(how much have I jinxed myself with this weird and cheerful post?????)

STAY OFF THE ROADS!

Well, it’s happened. Sarcasmo is on the road. Solo. Really, really don’t know how to handle it. This morning, instead of yelling at him to finish up his breakfast NOW because we’re going to be late, he was finished first. Packed up his stuff, got in his car, drove to school. I don’t know what to do. I mean, not that long ago, this is the kid who did NOT have to poop, was absolutely NOT POOPING and yet was actually pooping behind the closed door of our pantry. This is the kid who couldn’t stand seams in his socks or striped ANYTHING because they were “so itchy.” Now he’s like, a human who can drive a car?? WHAT?

*sighs*

It’s happening, isn’t it? The process of leaving the nest. I know college is still a little less than 2 years away BUT. It’s happening. I AM NOT READY.

Except when I am. When I’m begging him to “empty the dishwasher, for the love of God!” Or, “put your @$$* clothes away!” Etc.

We had this convo the other day about college and beyond:

Me: I expect phone calls and texts, dammit.

The Frug: I called my parents once a week. (said proudly)

Me: ONCE A WEEK?

Sarcasmo: What? That’s not enough??

Me: NO, DAMMIT. You weight 10 and 1/2 pounds at birth! I deserve more than a token weekly phone call.

Sarcasmo: Uh, I guess I could text you.

Me: *flips a table*

Hell, I’ll probably just be yelling down the stairs for him. Or calling him in the boomerang house in the yard. (yes, this is a thing.)

Dishwasher Don’ts

*heavy sigh*

Our dishwasher is such a thorn in my side. We have gone through 5+ dishwashers in 16 years. THEY ALL SUCK. Last week, after waiting 2 weeks(!), the repair guys came to install a new control board panel thingy. All good, right? Nope, they then proceeded to break the latch that seals the dishwasher. Kill. Me. Now. “Oh, we will order the part and come back soon.” “Soon“, naturally, is a relative term.

I am forced to handwash all dishes. A) ME B) HANDWASH C) ONLY ME and D) eff that.

We’ve been eating simple foods. Easily clean-up-able foods. No spaghetti. No tacos. No sauces of any kind. (which is how I like to live my life)

Well, “we” is not the Frug. Nope. Yesterday, he decided to make his version of “Chicago Dogs” for lunch. Hours later here’s what I found in the sink for ME to HANDWASH:

  • Plate with hardened pools of relish, mustard, ketchup, and clumps of celery salt.
  • Cup of beans
  • Cup of 4 day old spinach
  • Bowl of cottage cheese *shudders* CURDS. Curds. Dear God.
  • Glass that had contained tomato juice. (looks like dried blood in glass)
  • Also in sink were slivers of hot dog buns that he had cut off to make his “skinny” rolls. Of course, the bread was water logged goo.

REDRUM.

All this being at one with my dirty dishes has me wondering about certain “healthy” foods. Oatmeal, for example. It is like GLUE. If you leave an oatmeal bowl in the sink without running water in it, it REFUSES to come clean (unless one scrubs vigorously – which annoys me). If it’s like that in a bowl, what is it doing in our bodies?? It’s supposed to clean you out, not stop you up! Peanut butter. You’d think something with that much fat would slide right off the knife. Nope. SCRUBBING.  Cereal flakes. They become one with the bowl. HOW?

Welp, no more time for writing. Must go wash the @(&$(&%# dishes.

 

He Gets It

Had an amazing moment with Sarcasmo the other day. These are increasingly rare, since I generally want to duct tape his mouth and lock him in the basement…

Anyway.

He is EXTREMELY excited about finally being able to drive. He’s a year younger than most of his friends, so he’s had to be envious of their cars and perceived “freedom” for quite some time. On the 12th, he should have his official license and be on the roads solo. #youvebeenwarned Naturally, this increases my anxiety and my Ishallimagine1038405scenariosofdoom.

Sarcasmo: OMG Mom. I cannot wait til I can finally drive.

Me: Where do you think you’ll even be going?? You’ll still need to ask, you that that.

Sarcasmo: I don’t even know. I could go anywhere. Maybe I’d drive to 711 and buy a bottle of water, if I wanted. Maybe I’d just drive around and listen to music.

Me: Um, okay. (the kid has big dreams, apparently)

Sarcasmo: Sometimes I just can’t handle being trapped in this house for even one more minute.

Me: *nods*

Me: *staring into his eyes* Dude, why do you think I run so many “errands”?

Both: *nodding*

A moment of perfect understanding between the generations.

Shattered moments later by me.

“Alright, now empty the dishwasher,”

OMG MOM!!!

 

Wait, what’s today’s date?

Aaaaannnnnddddd just like that it’s “Holiday Season.” Halloween is over. Thanksgiving is in like, 20 days and then Christmas, maybe 25 days later. It’s ridiculous. I don’t even know where the time is going!!! This Halloween made me reflect on my shortcomings. Well, not all of them. We only have a few paragraphs here. haha

Anyway.

Not that long ago, when my kids were little, I would be on the Internet, in August or something crazy, researching the very best, the most expensive (of course!) costumes that would capture the joy of Halloween and the kids’ latest passions.  Now, Sarcasmo is “too old” to go trick or treating and he refuses to wear a costume or even help pass out candy. I think he actually said “OMG MOM. I refuse to come upstairs during trick or treating!” (and there I am thinking “this is the 2nd to last Halloween you’ll be home!!” *cries*)  Wait, actually that’s that’s wrong. He would dress up, only for school if they have a dress down day. BUT, this year in order to dress up for Halloween you had to pay $5.  Apparently, this money didn’t go to a charity and it was a half day. My frugal teen *snorts* said “it’s only for four hours and paying $5 for 4 hours is a rip off.” If I went to  Catholic school and wore a uniform daily, I would pay whatever they wanted to be able to NOT for a day. And, let’s face it, it’s not like the kids is paying with his own money.

Okay. Wait, where was I?  Ah, yes. My failures. So, the night before Halloween I ended at the costume store at 7 o’clock with Pedro. Why?? I don’t know why I waited that long! Sea of humanity in there. Smelly humanity. And risked our lives in the parking lot with all the crazies.  But, we have his costume sorted. Master Chef Pedro. A costume available at retail, no crafty nonsense required from Slacker Mom.

Then on the 31st, I realized I have not purchased a pumpkin!! In years past, we would all go as a family and select the very best pumpkin.  This year, it was just me riding around scouring empty pumpkin patches, empty church parking lots, empty nurseries. I finally found one though.  Unfortunately, it was slightly rotten and broke open in my car. *sighs* The Frug made the best of it and did a stellar job carving it. I guess my point is  – what has happened to me???  I used to be, not the world’s greatest mom, but I was on it, kwim?  Now? I don’t even know.

All this self-reflection is making me hungry. Hopefully Pedro hid his candy stash well… *begins hunt*

Please take a moment to enjoy the fruits of the Frug’s labor. He was inspired by The Scream and hampered by the giant rotting hole he had to use for the mouth!photo copy 2

Sent from my iPhone

Kbrucey Khardashian

Okay. At some point the Kardashians are going to have to address what is going on with Bruce, right?? He’s obviously in some sort of ” transition.” He and Kris are divorcing…is it because he’s becoming a woman? Is he?? Is he going to be a full on transsexual or maybe he’s just a drag queen?? I read a nasty story about Bruce on the golf course. One golfer was shouting “where’s your dick?” at Bruce (insinuating that Bruce has had his um, removed as part of his transition to becoming a woman.) Bruce replied “it’s right here but I haven’t used it in 20 years.” Oh my.

Is he going to be a lesbian after he becomes a woman?? He doesn’t seem like he likes dudes. SO MANY QUESTIONS!! They can’t continue to ignore it. I mean, these people live their lives on TV. They want the publicity. Tell us what’s going on!

I refuse to believe he’s just let himself go and has the soft body with moobs. This man was an Olympic athlete — there’s no way he just let himself go like that. And then there’s the other evidence like the long hair and red polish and and and…

TELL US!

Sent from my iPhone

College “Tools”

Hold me.

Just went to a college fair with Sarcasmo. Did they have such things when we were in school??? Surely not. I took the PSAT and then the SAT and colleges sent me stuff. Boom. I grew up in PA so the natural route was “go to Penn State.”  Not for me tho. I was given a 5 hour radius from the (beautiful) Poconos and I went exactly 5 hours away. DC baby. Boston was too cold. lol

Anyway, the college “process” (read in Brit voice — PRO-cess) is daunting. Especially for the average white boy. Good grades, not great. Not an athlete. Not creating apps in his spare time. Not volunteering with under-privileged youth. No interesting character building “troubles” or “obstacles surmounted” kwim???  aaaavvveeerrrraaaagggggeeeee. Hopefully not destined for video gaming in his underwear in our basement for good.

Sigh.

Anyway.

The little tables with brochures and the ubiquitous pens gave me flashbacks to my computer trade show days. We also gave out Cadbury Eggs back in the day. Remember those? With the disgusting white and yellow “yolk” made of sugar and lard. *shudders and yet craves too*

Was thinking of great college giveaway items for the moms, because who needs another damn pen????

Tiny portable fans for our hot flashes.

Tissues and towels (truly terrible towels) for our tears and menopausal sweat.

#sexy